Death and Rebirth: The End of Raven's Repression
by TheProlificAnonymous
Summary: Beast Boy’s new vegan friend pushes Raven too far, terrorists target the city, and The Man gets all up in the Titans’ business. That aside, this story is for Raven fans who would like to see a happy ending for Raven. Four romantic pairings by the en
1. Patch

a/n- a word of warning: While this is indeed something of a romance, it isn't going to be one of those cutesy Raven-admits-her-love-for-beast-boy-and-they-make-out-while-everything-around-them-blows-up sorta deals. The plot is actually quite dark but i assure you there is a happy ending (and substantial attempts at humor in between)

my Raven is also different from the Ravens i've seen in most of these stories. My Raven is not a goth. She is a tortured soul who has not chosen to be the way she is, not a depressed teenager out to make a statement (i mean no offense to goth readers and i don't claim to know what a goth even is). My Raven is fully consistent with the animated Raven but i have added elements from the comic version. The biggest addition is that Raven actually has a soul which is evil, and she can't afford to feel emotions because she needs to keep that part of her dormant so Trigon can't incarnate into this dimension (The TV show alludes to this in Nevermore but it is never explicit). Nevertheless, those who have only seen the TV show will find that the Raven they know and love is fully present in this fic. I have taken no liberties with anyone's personality and character. (yell at me if someone acts out of character and i will do my best to correct it)

Also, while on the surface this is a romance, it was actually meant to be an exploration of spiritual growth using the concepts of death, rebirth and peak experiences. Those familiar with Zen Buddhism may catch a few things that others will miss. By the way, despite how smart this mission statement makes the author sound, this is my first fiction that i've ever written and i don't really expect to make any sort of masterpiece here. Still i would appreciate criticism from veteran authors.

be warned also that this story has a couple new non-teen-titans characters that i made up. I generally hate it when other authors do this but that's usually because the new characters end up being perfect and very uninteresting and then proceed to take over the whole story. My first new character is named Patch. He appears to be two-dimensional at first but i assure you his flaws will be revealed as the story continues.

Also, veganism is a central theme to this story but im not trying to make a case against animal products. If visions of animal cruelty and explanations of why meat is unhealthy offends anyone, then wait until you finish reading the story to flame me for it. You will see that every reference to such things has a purpose to the plot (i actually went through great pains to avoid that stuff whenever possible).

and without further adieu, the story...

further adieu: i don't own any of this stuff. i even stole the name patch from a chrono cross fic.

Chapter 1:        Patch

The empty console room went dark as the sun set on another late autumn day at Titan Tower.  The main door zipped open to reveal the dark outline of Robin.  He flipped on the lights and entered the room.  His utility belt had been unbuckled to make room for a final leg of lamb and was draped over his shoulder.  He apparently had a little trouble walking but he looked content.  Starfire walked in after him.  She was a nursing a noticeable bulge in her tummy but other than that she was as perky as ever.  Cyborg stomped in victoriously behind her carrying a suitcase sized doggy bag dripping with grease.  He belched loudly.

            "Did I tell y'all or what?  Best damn chops this side of Jump City!"

He had been lobbying for weeks to convince his friends to eat at Mad Cow's House of Chops, but Beast Boy had stubbornly foiled his efforts every time.  Such victories were rare so he couldn't help but take home a little extra for later.

            "Indeed," concurred Starfire. "I have not seen such a feast since a Gordanian flortbomb set fire to a Tamaranian petting zoo."

Robin wretched at the thought.  Cyborg was prouder than ever.

            "But I bet the Gordanians can't blacken a sheep the way Mad Cow's can," he boasted carrying his kill to the fridge.  "Where's BB, I owe him some gloating."

It was at this point that Raven made it to the door.  She was fully wrapped in her cloak and was slouching, her eyes bloodshot and tired. Her voice was exhausted as she spoke.

            "Apparently he still hasn't recovered from your Bambi eulogy."

                        ***Flashback***

The team is sitting around a heavy wooden restaurant table in a dimly lit dining area when the waiter comes out in a bloodstained smock carrying a charred fawn over his shoulder.  He unceremoniously lowered his head and let the monstrosity land with a silverware rattling thud on a platter in the center of the table.

            "Who ordered the fawn fricassee?" He said apathetically with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth.

Beast Boy was horrified and looked a few shades greener than usual.

            "That would be me!" Announced a beaming Cyborg, pulling the platter closer to him.

He rubbed his hands together eagerly and picked up his silverware.

"And remember kids, only YOU can prevent forest fires."

At this, Beast Boy jumped onto the table, put his hand to his mouth just in time to contain a blast of vomit, and bolted out of the steakhouse.  The entire restaurant fell silent, all eyes on the still swinging door through which Beast Boy had escaped.

            "More mustard please." Starfire requested of the waiter.

                        ***End Flashback***

            "Oh yea!  That was awful rude of him," said Cyborg, realizing his body bag wasn't going to fit in the fridge.

He took out everything else in the fridge, including Beast Boy's soy products and started stuffing in his loot with considerable effort.

"If he didn't like the place he coulda kept it to himself."  He said with strain in his voice.

Robin Finally spoke.

            "Yea, did you see the way he over-reacted when he found out there was no salad on the menu?"

            "And when the waiter insisted that chicken was a vegetable." Added Starfire.

            "Oh friggin well," boomed Cyborg finally managing to close the fridge on his entire take-out minus a couple of pig thighs, which he held in his hand. "More bloody goodness for me!"

He looked at the pig thighs and grabbed his stomach, making a pained and disappointed expression. "Umm.  Anyone wanna finish these last couple of hamstrings?  They wouldn't fit in the fridge.  Robin?"

            "No thanks Cy," said Robin hastily, putting out his hand defensively and making a grab to his stomach. "I don't think I can take on anymore."

            "Starfire?"

            "I also am stuffed beyond comfort"

Cyborg looked to Raven and found her walking towards her room.  He stepped in front of her and hung the seared flesh enticingly in front of her.

            "What about you Raven?  You know you want my hammy goodness."

Raven's eyes suddenly became more bloodshot.

"Unless the idea of shampooing the carpet excites you, I suggest you remove your swine from my face."

Cyborg took the hint and Raven was allowed swine-free passage to her room.

            "Fine.  I guess I'll polish these babies off a little later."

He put the thighs on the kitchen counter.

            "But first, I have a little business to attend to," he said proudly, a finger in the air.

He started walking towards the bathroom, grabbing a gaming magazine off the coffee table.

            "See y'all in 45 to 60!"

He strode towards the bathroom whistling.  Robin and Starfire watched him until he disappeared into the hallway.  A distant slam was heard and the whistling was no longer audible.  When they were alone, Starfire spoke.

            "Robin?"

Robin turned to her nervously.

            "I am worried about Beast Boy."

Robin exhaled, relieved that she hadn't inquired as to the nature of Cyborg's "business."

            "It is not like him to disappear like this for so long.  I fear he may have gotten lost... or worse."

Robin had to agree that it was unusual for Beast Boy to be alone for any length of time at all.

            "Don't worry about it Star."  He feigned assuringly. "I'm sure he's just still a little peeved about the restaurant."

At that an airy squeak was heard.

            "Hahaha! Awesome!"

It was Beast Boy.

            "You gotta tell Cy that one!"

Starfire's mood changed immediately.

            "Beast Boy!"

She and Robin looked towards the door to wait for his arrival.  A soft mumble was heard and then came Beast Boy, louder and closer this time.

"Hahaha! That's gross! Cy's gonna short!"

The door zipped open and there stood Beast Boy, apparently fully recovered from the Mad Cow's ordeal.  He was not alone.  Standing next to him was another teen.

The unfamiliar boy was a breathing paradox.  He was about Starfire's height and of thin build and yet he seemed sturdy and muscular.  His hair was a wild and overgrown mess of hundreds of shiny and smooth, dark, lightly curling locks.  Each lock was clearly distinguished from the next but they fell in all different directions, some landing over his ears, some appearing to reach skyward before waning and returning home, and others leaping everywhere in between.  One could not say for certain whether he spent hours with gel positioning each lock or if he had gotten out of the shower just a few moments ago and shook his head vigorously.  He was wearing a loose fitting Hawaiian shirt of a loud vivid green over looser fitting dull olive khaki pants.  His features could be considered hard but he was wearing a soft, almost childlike smile.  All in all he appeared to be very laid back, despite his proud, straight posture.  The quality of his clothes pointed to a well-to-do family but his tattered white acrylic sack, held lightly to his back by a single diagonal strap across his chest spoke of a harder knock existence.  His most prominent feature was the striking green color of his eyes, which sparkled with a joy that demanded no cause.

            "Ladies and gentle-Robin," started Beast Boy.  "I bring you the incredible and very well fed Beast Boy, with special guest, the knowledgeable and very well dressed Patch!"

Patch nodded cheerfully to the two.

            "Robin and Starfire I presume."

His voice was soft yet full of almost cocky confidence.  Robin and Starfire were too aghast at the sudden intrusion of green in the room to respond.  Beast Boy interceded.

            "Dudes! I met this guy at a vegetarian cafe!  He knows all this gross stuff about meat.  I couldn't remember it all so I brought him here to talk to Cyborg about his-"  He put his hands on either side of his head to form quotations in the air, "demented protein addiction."

Patch's smile grew slightly at the edges.

            "Deranged, Beast Boy." He said gently as a father would correct a child.

            "I said that.  And he's gonna tell him about the parasites and horomones and anti....antibaaaa..."

            "...aaaotics."  Patch said slowly, his smile unwavering.

            "I know I was gonna say that!"

Beast Boy looked impatiently at his fellow titans.

            "Well aincha gonna tell me where Cy is?"  He said with his hands on his hips.

Robin had since snapped out of his daze and had his mouth open waiting for Beast Boy to stop talking.

            "Hi Patch.  Welcome to Titan Tower.  Cyborg is...busy."

            "Yes, he has much business to which to attend in the bathroom.  He will be available in 42 to 57."

Robin and Beast Boy cringed.  Patch and gave a chuckle filled with more air than vocal chord.

            "Did I mention that meat has no fiber?"  He said in Beast Boy's direction but loud enough for all present to hear.

Robin and Beast Boy upgraded their cringe.  Starfire was unfazed.

            "No you did not.  I like your shirt.  On my planet, one wears such a garment when they are going to perform a Barukian skim dance."

            "Well on earth, one wears such a garment when they visit warm coastal areas." He responded as if nothing out of the ordinary had been said. "I wear it because I like the color."

He seemed just a little ashamed to have been caught talking about himself.

            "Your hair is very healthy looking.  What's your secret?"

Starfire smiled like a little girl who had just had her pigtails complimented.

            "Water and a brush."  She followed with a giggle, reveling in the friendliness of the stranger.

            "That's actually pretty interesting.  I once heard that many celebrities keep their hair looking healthy by washing it with only water and using shampoo only very occasionally.  Apparently the natural oils-"

            "Okay already!" Interrupted an over-excited Beast Boy.  "Enough fashion talk!  Tell them about the parasite eggs in meat!"

Patch looked to Robin expectantly.  Robin wasn't sure what he wanted and just stared back.  Several blinks were exchanged before Patch finally spoke.

            "Are you interested in hearing about meat borne parasites?"

Starfire jumped in.

            "I am interested in learning about Earth parasites!"

Patch looked to her with a happy but serious expression.

            "I know you're interested Starfire.  That's why I'm asking Robin and not you."  He said matter-of-factly.

He looked back to Robin but gave Starfire a worried side glance as he realized he may have offended her.  She was apparently not offended and was waiting impatiently for Robin who, given his current gastronomic condition, was apt to say no, but did not want to deprive the expectant Tamaranian girl beside him.

            "Sure go ahead."  He said suavely.

            "Alright!" Beast Boy exclaimed as if he had just been notified it was his turn for show and tell.  "Go sit on the couch! I'll get some drinks!  You guys gotta hear this stuff!"  He said, pushing the three over towards the couch.

            "Beast Boy, what is the matter with you?" asked a confused Starfire.

            "Just wait here! I'll be right back." he said giving them a final shove towards the couch and skipping off towards the kitchen.  Patch spoke up.

            "You have to understand how hard it is to be a vegetarian alone.  He's probably hoping I'll convince-"

            *THUD*

            "DUDE!" sounded Beast Boy's voice from the kitchen.

He was trapped under Cyborg's doggy bag, which looked a lot heavier on top of a squirming Beast Boy than it did over Cyborg's shoulder.  It had apparently fallen out of the fridge and rolled on top of him.

            "What the heck is this parasite farm doing here?!  And what happened to all my food?!"

Robin and Starfire ran over to help him.  Patch stood and watched, amused.  Robin lifted the heavy grease bag with a grunt and Starfire helped Beast Boy to his feet.

            "Cyborg's doggy bag."  Said Robin simply.

            "That meat-head!"  Yelled Beast Boy.  "He chucked all my food on the floor!  He's not getting away with this!"

Beast Boy was throwing a tantrum, causing Robin and Starfire to back away from him.  They had never seen Beast Boy this angry.

            "I've had enough of his anti-vegetarian attitude man!  I'm gonna throw this nasty carcass out the window!  That'll teach him!"

Patch's expression suddenly became more serious.

            "That will teach him nothing."

He had been silent throughout the ordeal and his sudden statement drew all three pairs of eyes to him.  His smile had all but faded.

            "Of course it will!" Retorted Beast Boy.  "And I'll be doing him a favor by getting rid of this health hazard!"

            "All you will do is arouse his resentment."  Patch said calmly.

His voice was a gentle tug back to reality, but it was laced almost imperceptibly with sadness.  Beast Boy calmed down considerably and began rubbing at a grease stain on his tights.

            "Well hopefully you can teach him a thing or two with your meat science."

            "I can tell him everything I know but I can never force him to understand... or even to listen."

            "'Course you can't!  Not with THAT attitude!"

            "And what attitude would you have me apply?"  Patch said, his smile and joy beginning to return.

            "Well, like mine." Answered Beast Boy without much thought.

Patch's expression had returned to its original joyful state.

            "If your attitude is the key to convincing him, then why is he not yet convinced?" He asked playfully.

            "Because I don't have all the meat science."  Beast Boy said as if he was talking to an idiot.  He was beginning to get frustrated again.

Patch laughed as would a father who had just been threatened by a beloved 3 year old son.

            "Tell you what then.  You confront him with your attitude and I'll contribute my science and we'll see if we can't do it together."

Beast Boy lit up instantly.

            "Genius!" he said.  "With your knowledge and my charisma, we'll be an unstoppable team!"

Starfire giggled and Robin stood looking at Patch and holding his chin in contemplation.  He eventually looked down at Cyborg's meat sack and started trying to shove it back into the open fridge.

            "A little help here?" he strained.

The others came to help him cram the bag into the fridge.  After almost a minute of grunting and cracking animal bones, the meat was in and the fridge door was closed.

            "Whatabout my Soy?"  Asked Beast Boy.

            "Throw it out.  I'll buy you breakfast tomorrow."  Said Patch.

Beast Boy complied without protest and went to work gathering his food off the floor.  Robin looked at Patch in astonishment.

            "You have incredible people skills you know that?"

Patch looked surprised for a moment but then regained his cocky composure and smiled warmly at Robin.

            "Actually, no I didn't.  In fact I haven't talked to anyone in quite a while.  That really is quite a compliment."

            "And your smile.  Why are you always so happy?"

Patch's smile grew substantially, as if he had just received the greatest compliment of all.

            "I don't see why I shouldn't be."

Robin put his hand back to his chin and thought a moment.

            "There is death and suffering everyday.  That's why we're in business." He said making a circular gesture to the structure they were standing in.

Patch did not need to think.  It was as if he had rehearsed this scene a thousand times and knew it by heart.

            "And yet sometimes you are happy."

He stopped talking and smiled, waiting for Robin to say his part.  Robin's eyes narrowed as he looked to the ceiling and considered this fact.

            "Well, good stuff happens too.  I guess we're happy when things are good and sad when things are bad."

            "I am happy because I am.  I prefer not to rely on an inconsistent world for my joy."

Robin thought again.  It didn't make any sense.  If happiness was not to be derived from happy things then-

            "Heellloo!" Beast Boy interrupted Robin's thoughts.  "You're doing that thing again where you're talking about stuff other than how gross meat is!"

He had finished throwing out his food and had gotten all excited again.

            "Yes!" said Starfire.  "I am eager to hear about meat borne parasites."

            "Then to the couch m'lady and I'll tell you all about the little buggers."  Patch said to Starfire.

Starfire floated over to the couch, giggling at her new nickname.  Patch turned to Robin.

            "Some other time perhaps.  Will you be joining us on the couch?" he asked happily.

Beast Boy answered for him.

            "Of course he will!  You guys go ahead; I'll get those drinks ready!"

Robin shrugged and allowed Beast Boy to lead him and Patch to the couch.  Patch started by discussing tapeworm cysts but was deterred many a time by Starfire's eclectic questions, and ended up discussing everything from cell biology to meat processing techniques.  Sometimes Starfire had biological knowledge of her own to share (apparently Tamaranian biology is very similar to Terran) which greatly interested Patch but Beast Boy loudly did his best to shut down non-meat related avenues. Patch seemed to be very well versed in all sorts of science and loved to show it.  As he spoke more and more his speech picked up tempo; he even raised his normally soft voice to emphasize what he felt needed emphasis.  In this way the four passed twenty minutes.

            "And since the benzo-pyrenes produced from the grilling process inhibit the detoxification of benzene," Patch continued enthusiastically, "the flukes are provided ample solvent to complete their entire reproductive cycle inside your thymus."

Robin was on the far side of the couch, leaning forward towards Patch with his elbows on his knees and his chin in his palms.  He was biting his nails and looking a little sick.  Starfire was lying on her tummy on the floor, leaning on her elbows, and was looking up as a child would to an old story-teller.  Beast Boy was perched on the backrest of the couch, excitedly looking from friend to friend to gauge their reactions.  Patch was sitting on the couch opposite Robin, his legs crossed Indian style.  He appeared to be in his element.

            "And so not only is it now a permanent resident in your body but the first four stages in the thymus actually open...the....way.....for......"

He trailed off as something caught his attention. Everyone turned to follow his gaze and found an irked Raven approaching from the dark hallway.  When she had everyone's attention she spoke as she walked.

            "Between Cyborg's grunting and whistling and Beast Boy's shouting, I'm having a terrible time keeping my focus."

Her figure sizzled with dark energy on her last three words but her voice was steady.  She noticed Patch and appeared to be somewhat taken aback.  The others looked to him and saw that his smile had faded and was replaced by an expression of shocked awe.  Raven realized she must have scared the stranger with her display of anger.  She supposed she should be polite to a guest and approached to make a gesture of welcome but stopped 10 feet away when she saw the green of his shirt.  She was dazed but only for a moment.  She spoke from where she was.

            "Hi," she forced.  "What's your name?" 

She was trying desperately to be cordial; it did not come naturally to her.  Patch was still in shock and continued to stare.  The others were not sure what to do.

            "I'm Raven."  She blushed slightly in embarrassment at the awkward situation she had caused.  She wasn't sure whether or not asking for his name again would make the situation worse.  Fortunately the blush was enough to get Patch's confidence back up.

            "Patch."  He said with all the steadiness he could call up amidst his nervousness.

            "I didn't mean to frighten you," she continued, her blush faded.  "It's vital that I am able to keep my focus.  Otherwise I lose control and things get destroyed."  She droned dryly.

            "..L'ath no fur-" Patch choked.

Raven's gaze didn't waver but her head cocked slightly to the side.

            "What"

Patch cleared his throat and prepared himself to speak.  He smiled his most gentle and comforting smile.

            "Hell hath no fury..."  He looked up to her as would a child who had just asked his parents' permission for something.

            Her head cocked a little more as she considered his statement.  Was this something she was supposed to recognize?  A code phrase of some sort?  She searched his eyes for any hints but saw only two orbs of bright green vulnerable expectation.  She broke the gaze and looked to her friends.  They also looked to her for an answer.  She searched her memory again.  It did sound familiar.  Was it an incantation perhaps?  She felt her blush beginning to return as she realized the situation had gotten awkward again.  Then it clicked in her mind.

            "Shakespeare."  Her eyes widened a little at the realization but her voice remained level and monotone.  "Clever."

His smile grew and his eyes sparkled at the acceptance of his remark.  Feeling she had done enough to comfort Patch, she turned to walk towards the front door.  She took a few paces and stopped.  She had suddenly realized the full depth of his remark.  She turned to face him.  He was still smiling with uncharacteristic shyness.

            "Very clever."  She conceded.  "However I didn't mean to say that I get angry and smash things."  She spoke slowly and evenly.  "My powers are driven by emotion.  If I lose focus and my emotions get out of hand, things get destroyed and people get hurt."  She decided to leave out the part about the sleeping Trigon.

She turned around and started walking away again.  She got about five paces.

            "Why do you need to retain focus to keep your emotions stable?"

She stopped and felt her cloak come to rest at her heels.  She had only granted him her original explanation because she felt his clever remark deserved so much in return.  She debated whether or not she should answer his current question.  She stood there for several moments but eventually turned around and looked at him.  It was a reasonable question after all.

            "Allow me to clarify.  I need to retain focus in order to prevent any emotion from taking place at all.  It is simply the act of feeling that unleashes destructive force."

His eyes widened and his face rocked backwards slightly.  He looked horrified.  He looked down at nothing for a moment and then looked back at her.  He looked as if...he was about to cry.  She had to look away from him, lest she herself would start crying.  She started walking again, the effort at controlling her sadness making her very tired.

            "Isn't there anything that you...or anyone could do?"  Came a small voice behind her.

She suddenly turned around with uncharacteristic quickness.

            "NO!"

A table and bench set was promptly blown to pieces in a blast of dark energy.  Everyone was surprised by the outburst, including Raven herself.  Her voice was not one of pure hatred but rather one of a woman standing over a dead lover and cursing the fates for her loss.  As the last table leg knocked on the floor, she turned around and walked quickly towards the front door.

            "I am going to the roof.  Do NOT go there."  She warned the four in her normal voice.  She hastily made the rest of her way to the door and it closed behind her.

It was a good while before anyone spoke.  Beast Boy was the one to break the silence. 

            "Man, I swear if you look up PMS in the dictionary you'll find a big picture of Raven!"

            "It is very difficult to be Raven."  Said Starfire.  "Believe me I have tried."

Patch regained a bit of his composure and looked at Starfire curiously.

            "What do you mean?"  His smile had not yet returned.

            "And when Cy is out of the can, have I got a story for you." Beast Boy jumped in, not to be outdone.

Robin noticed that Patch's smile had faded but decided against calling him on his obviously faulty joy philosophy just yet.

**********[end chapter 1]**********

This was a light chapter. chapter two will be a bit more serious and will give you a much better idea of what's going on in Raven's head. if anyone reviews this chapter lemme know if i've kept everyone in character


	2. Raven

I'm very dissatisfied with the way this chapter turned out. I was hoping to write something to leave the reader in tears (and i know it's possible cuz i've been affected like that from other stories) but it ended up pretty lame. If anyone out there is good with melodrama i would greatly appreciate some advice. recognition will be duly awarded of course. And hell, if someone wants to rewrite the whole chapter be my guest.

And the emotion manifestations in this chapter are NOT the same entities Cyborg and Beast Boy met in Nevermore. Those were repressed personalities. My understanding is that she is forced to repress those behaviors because they would elicit too much emotion in her (if anyone understands this better lemme know)

One of my goals with this chapter is to bring the reader who knows nothing of the comics to understand my Raven completely.

disclaimer: despite my referring to her as _my_ Raven, she is the property of....DC i guess....or maybe WB....Cartoon Network?

Chapter 2:        Raven

The night air was cold and somewhat turbulent atop Titan Tower.  This didn't phase Raven as she had ventured to the roof many a time when she could not find peace elsewhere.  She walked to a spot she knew to be relatively well shielded from the wind and sat in lotus position with her back to the wind so that she would not lose the warmth of her cloak.

Her focus had not been good since dinner.  She was never a big meat eater and did not know her limits.  The digestive burden of the large meal was impacting heavily on her clarity of mind and ability to focus.  She was tempted to simply drift off to sleep but she had made it a point to meditate every night before bed, lest her hidden feelings come to haunt her in her dreams.  An emotional dream was just as dangerous as a waking emotion because, apparently, emotions don't care whether or not what they react to is real or imaginary.

But this was not her main concern at the moment.  Her outburst had frightened her as such episodes usually meant Trigon was on the verge of waking up.  Now would be a critical period in which she would have to retain a heightened state of focus and non-feeling until the demon was done stirring and had fallen back to sleep.  She sought her center and began to chant her mantra.  Soon she was in her meditation space.  This was her nightly meditation routine.  She would sit in a receptive trance as each emotion which had wished to express itself throughout the day presented itself to her one at a time.  She would resist the temptation to feel each one of them and they would fade from her awareness, to be replaced by the next emotion in line and eventually nothingness.  It was this nothingness that signaled to her that she was ready for sleep.

Over time this nothingness had become harder and harder to achieve.  It seemed that each emotion became more insistent the more it came up in her meditations, as if each time it wished to be expressed it became more powerful.  Luckily, her powers of concentration had also been improving steadily as she continued her routine and so she was able to maintain the upper hand over even the most insistent emotions.  This was another reason why alone-time and peace was so important for her.  She had to continue to train and develop her focus lest she fall behind her adversaries and be bested.  It doesn't take much to cause Trigon to begin to awaken and even minor stirrings such as this one demanded a dedicated effort to contain the evil which finds its way to the surface.  Should Trigon ever be fully awakened, it is doubtful that the universe would survive.

And this burden she carried alone.  Even if she could bring someone to understand, there would be no way in which they could help.  Even with her superhero friends supporting her, there was no way they could truly fight her battle along side her.  She was utterly alone and it was the emotion of Despair that had become the strongest of the bunch.  Her frustration at her internal struggle and hopeless situation had also ensured that Anger was the second strongest.  Indeed the outburst this evening was a combination of Despair and Anger insisting upon expression.  The limited expression they managed to wrest from Raven made enough of an internal ruckus to cause Trigon to stir.

Despair was prominent in her mind tonight as with most nights and so it was the first to show itself.  Raven's soul self levitated upon a floating stone surface in her meditation space.  The grey form of Despair floated up out of the stone and stared at Raven with tears welling up in its eyes.  It looked identical to her except for the color of its cloak and the perpetual expression of sadness.  It was about twice Raven's size and floated with its torso out of the stone floor and its trembling face looking down at Raven's face from inches above it.  It broke down and began to cry pitifully.

            "All Alone.." It sobbed into Raven's expressionless face.  "I can't fight like this forever.  Why me...  Why must I be cursed to fight an eternal battle all alone?!"

The crying turned to bawling and Raven felt herself become tired from the effort of ignoring the pitiful creature before her.

            "No one will ever understa-hand.  The boy who tried, I brought him to the brink of tears…. and still he is helpless to save me.  I cannot help myself… only spread my misery to others."  Whined the hysterical manifestation, tears streaming from bloodshot eyes over cheeks raw from the perpetual friction of salty palms.

Raven desperately wished to cry but she held her ground, trembling and breathing heavy with effort.  She made a quick effort to control her breathing.  The last time her breathing became ragged like this during Despair's appearance she began sobbing uncontrollably and almost lost the battle.

            "My friends… don't understand.  They can't. They don't… even like me because I… ruin their fun with my personal needs.  My struggle… makes me lonely… and forces me to… push my friends away… at the same time."

Despair had run out of words and was instead winding up for its final attempt at being felt.  It sobbed harder as its inhalations became shorter.  Finally, it was crying in such a way that its face contorted in suffering, stuck in a perpetual silent sob that suffocates its victim by forcing their diaphragm to crush their lungs as their mouth stays open, waiting for the inhalation that does not come.  It is the state one finds themselves in when they are crying too hard and bawl louder and louder until they are forced silent by the momentum and cannot bring themselves to inhale.  It was Despair's most powerful display and Raven had been expecting it.

Raven grit her teeth and locked her jaw.  Her effort had her sweating, shaking, and full of pain.  She focused on her breathing as best she could.  She found this to be the best strategy when confronting Despair.

            "And they can't even be considerate enough to give me the peace I need to fight it alone!" Raven heard in front of her.

Despair had been replaced by Anger.

            "They have no appreciation for my plight!"

Anger's face began to match its burgundy cloak.

            "I'M BATTLING TO SAVE THE @#$% UNIVERSE HERE!!!  THE LEAST THEY CAN DO IS SHUT UP EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE!!!"

Raven was exhausted from Despair but stubbornly fought the resentment that was forcing its self into her.

            "IDIOTS!!!  WHY MUST THEY BE SO FOOLISH!!!  WITH THEIR MINDLESS VIDEO GAMES, POINTLESS ARGUMENTS AND ENDLESS DISRUPTION!!!  I'VE TOLD THEM OVER AND OVER!!  THEY MUST BE MORONS TO NOT HAVE GOTTEN THE @#$% POINT BY NOW!!!"

Raven was cast into the day's experiences all over again, those in which her 'friends' ruin her concentration with their foolish diversions.  Her face began to turn red and she was still shaking from Despair.  Her strategy against Anger focused on containing this shaking which, unchecked, could become a vehicle for a burst of frustrated energy.  She concentrated on bringing this shaking under control.

            "TRIGON YOU @#$% BASTARD!!!  GET THE @#$% OUT OF MY SOUL!!!!  THIS @#$% IS ALL BECAUSE OF YOU!!!  MOTHER YOU @#$% WHORE!!!  WHAT KIND OF DIRTY SLUT @#$%s A DEMON!!!

Anger was shrieking at the top of its lungs.  Raven was finding the shaking more difficult than usual to control.  Despair had been particularly harsh today and her huge meal had put a serious damper on her powers of concentration.  In spite of her handicaps, Raven struggled to brace herself for Anger's grand finale.

            "@#$%!!!!  WHY THE @#$% DID I HAVE TO BE BORN!!!"

Anger began clawing at its face, tearing at its own flesh.

            "@#$% ME!!!  @#$% ME!!!!!!!!!!  THIS @#$% BODY IS MY PRISON!!!!  THIS UNIVERSE IS NOT MY @#$% RESPONSIBILITY!!!

And just like every night since her earliest memories, amidst the shouts of a maniacal Anger and the sites and sounds of exposed gore being raked with fingernails, a trembling, wretched, lonely Raven struggles with all her will not to kill herself.

Suddenly a sweet voice was heard and she was shown an image of Patch looking at her almost in tears.

            "Someone really wants to understand, really wants to help."

Raven felt warmth begin to build in her solar plexus and immediately went to work fighting it.  Hope had tried to sneak up on her.  Raven was caught off guard and almost succumbed.  It was a close call and she was determined not to let it happen again.  Raven only had to keep up her resistance for a few more moments before the glimmering silver form of Hope flickered out.  It was a weak emotion after all.  

She shifted her consciousness for a moment to check on Trigon.  He was stirring from her episode earlier this evening but did not appear to be waking.  Relieved, she shifted back to her routine.  She was confronted by many more less insistent emotions such as Appreciation, Joy, Doubt, Curiosity, etc.  Her consciousness was battered by her two initial confrontations but her near disastrous taste of Hope actually seemed to strengthen her for the remainder of her meditation.

When she had achieved nothingness, she dwelled in its comfort for some time before finally opening her eyes and her awareness to the cold concrete loneliness of Titan Tower roof.  She stood and stumbled as she felt a pain in her stomach.  The wind blew and she realized she was covered in caked sweat.  It had indeed been a particularly difficult session.  She took a step towards the door but with a sharp pain her stomach reminded her of its distress.  She decided she would fast for a couple days.  She could not afford to burden her digestion further, especially in this critical period.  A sharp gust of arctic wind almost tore her cloak from her and reminded her that she also could not afford to catch a cold.  She turned towards the door and walked carefully home with her characteristic look of total and utter apathy.

**********[end of chapter 2]**********

as i said, i would greatly appreciate advice from people who are good with melodrama or perhaps actually have manifestations of their emotions yell at them.


	3. The Beginning of a Long Day

This will be another light chapter and the next couple as well. in light of my recent failure i'm going to put off emotional scenes until chapter six. hopefully my own experimentation combined with the generous advice of you the readers will make for a better second attempt. In the mean time you'll have to settle for angst, comedy and action. Also i've responded to reviews that i felt warranted response. You'll find my responses at the end of this chapter.

Also, this chapter will serve as a test to see what happens if i leave the don't-own-stuff disclaimer off.

Chapter 3:  The Beginning of a Long Day

The next morning Raven awoke before sunrise as she often would whenever a super villain had not prevented her from going to bed early the night before.  It was a habit she had adopted so that she could do her morning meditation in the console room without obnoxious teenage distraction.  The skyline view in the dawn light was very helpful to clear her mind from the confusion of post sleep and the insulated bulletproof glass shielded her from the cold tower winds.  Morning meditation was truly her favorite activity of the day.  The absolute peace and quiet of the predawn stood in stark contrast to the rambunctious evenings here in Titan Tower.

She swung her feet out onto the carpet and held her forehead in her palms.  She was no longer tired but her head felt cloudy and her throat dry.  Her tummy was swollen but much more comfortable than the night before.  She stood up slowly, leaving one hand on her forehead as the other shot out to steady her.  Her joints creaked and her muscles were weak, as if she weighed a hundred pounds heavier than when she went to sleep.  She opened her door and walked to the bathroom to start her morning.  She was naturally a very quiet person and made no extra effort not to wake her fellow titans.

When she had finally emerged from the hallway into the console room the dawn was just beginning to light up the room.  She stopped as she sensed a presence.  She stood still as she tried to feel for the source.  After several seconds of not being able to isolate it, she was satisfied that she was alone.  She walked to the stove to start her kettle.  She set the flame to its lowest setting.  It was difficult to judge time during meditation and she preferred to be pulled back to the waking world by the soft whistle of her kettle rather than wait for the boisterous entrance of one of her friends.  She found that the way in which she concluded her meditation impacted very much on how she felt afterwards.  The lowest flame setting usually gave her about 30min to meditate, after which she could steep her tea.

She walked through the twilight to her spot by the window and began to levitate in lotus position.  She took a few deep breaths and stopped…

She sniffed the air.  It seemed that the horrible smell that awaited her when she opened the bathroom door earlier had somehow followed her all the way here to the console room.

            "It's awful isn't it?"

It was a very quiet and gentle whisper but she gasped and spun around regardless.  There was a bright green person lying on the couch behind her.  Patch sat up slowly without using his arms for support.  He simultaneously tucked in his legs and swiveled, ending up facing Raven in a position similar to her own.  He spoke again, only slightly louder this time.

            "It's rotting ham.  I wanted to throw it out myself but I thought it might be rude.  If it's affecting your focus I will gladly dispose of it."

By this point Raven had long since regained her composure and was looking towards the kitchen.  She spotted the ham on the counter and her eyes began to glow white.  Each of her hands formed a black orb of psychic energy around itself as she reached out with her consciousness to lift the two hams off the counter.  She levitated them towards the window on the opposite side of the room.  A circular portion of the glass turned black as the hams passed through it.  With a light sizzle, Raven's eyes and hands returned to normal and the hams fell.  Raven slowly looked to Patch and waited for his comment.

            "You should have levitated them to Cyborg's room."  He jested.

Raven was not impressed.

            "I removed them because they disrupt my focus.  If Cyborg wakes up there will be no focus to speak of."

Patch gave an airy chuckle and then there was silence on both ends.  Patch gauged her mood as best he could and decided it was ok to speak.

            "I see you also enjoy morning meditation."

Raven was about to respond in the affirmative when she realized something.

            "You know your aura almost fills the room when you meditate."

            "You know your aura is grey and fragmented." Came his voice.  It was happy and playful.

Raven was by no means insulted but she was silent, somewhat shocked that her remark was met but also not sure how to continue the conversation.  Patch became uncomfortable.

            "Sorry." He said, his cheeriness faded.

Raven didn't understand what he was sorry about and still was at a loss for words.  Patch realized she wasn't going to speak and continued.

            "It just surprises me."

He paused to gauge her, then continued carefully.

            "I've noticed that most people who meditate regularly have bright and solid auras."

Raven finally spoke.

            "You see auras."  It was a statement, not a question.

Patch was glad Raven was back in the conversation but was still cautious about making her angry.  His joy returned but he made sure he spoke only as fast as she did and not any louder either.

            "Sometimes I'm just in the zone, like immediately following meditation.  Otherwise I have to stare for some time before I can make anything out."

He noticed she was looking past him.  He followed her gaze and saw the kettle.  He stared at it for a moment in thought and then looked back to her quickly.

            "I'm distracting you aren't I?" He said levelly and gently, without any loss of cheeriness.  "And taking up valuable kettle time as well." He added with light laughter in his voice.

It was all true.  She was very much looking forward to her morning meditation and her kettle water wasn't getting any cooler.  Not only that but Patch's neon green shirt and perpetual cheer were exuding a warmth that made her uncomfortable.  She truly felt as if his very presence was something she needed to battle lest it overpower her somehow.  This in combination with that rotting ham smell which lingered despite the absence of its origin made for a very irritable Raven.  The Trigon situation wasn't helping either.

            "You could say that."

She half expected him to start crying and honestly didn't care at the moment.  His response surprised her.

            "No problem." He said warmly and happily as ever.  "I can leave the room if you like, and refill your kettle with cold water."

Raven was visibly taken aback.  She was speechless.  Such an offer had never before been made.  After an uneasy bout of silence she stood up.  She didn't know what to say but she knew she had to get out of this room.

            "That won't be necessary."

She walked past him to the kitchen.  She locked eyes with him on the way and saw he was happier than she had ever seen him.  This did something to her that she didn't quite understand.  She felt as if she could direct all her abuse at him and he would just absorb it and it would be gone, dissipated in his sea of joy.  This was obviously a ridiculous thought but for some reason it made her ashamed of having been so rude, as if he would not reprimand her so she would have to reprimand herself.  After she reached the stove and clicked it off she spoke without turning.

            "Sorry.  I'm not usually this rude."

            "Rude?"  He asked, still unfazed.  "You were only being honest.  I asked you for a reason you know."

She pondered his words as she began to walk towards the front door for the roof.  He was right after all; she had said nothing out of order.  In fact she wasn't even sure why she thought she had been rude.  Surely any of her fellow Titans would have found fault in her present attitude.  After she put some distance between them she stopped.  She almost thanked him but stopped herself.  In all probability he would inquire as to what she was thanking him for and frankly, she really didn't know.  She felt his eyes on her and knew she had to say something and get away from his presence as fast as possible.

            "I'm going to the roof."

Somewhat satisfied with herself, she started walking again.  His voice came from behind her.

            "I WONT go there."

She stopped again but only because his voice was so soft that she would not have been able to hear it over her own footsteps, but now that she was stopped she would need to respond.  She could only think of one way not to be rude.  She turned around to find him smiling warmly and gently.  She blushed slightly as she gave back the friendliest smile she could muster, then promptly turned around walked out of the room, feeling his eyes on her the entire trip.  When the door closed behind her she gave a small sigh of relief and headed for the stairs.

***

            "Heck no BB." Said Cyborg.

            "C'mon Cy.  You just had meat yesterday." Persisted Beast Boy.

            "Same way you eat toFU everyday.  Nuts to you man, I'm making a lamb chop omelet."

            "They do serve omelets there Cyborg."  It was Patch.

            "Bet they do.  Bet they all filled with toFU."

            "They're made to order.  They'll add whatever you like."

            "What if what I LIKE is pink and tender on the inside and blackened on the outside."

            "I suppose they could fry up a fig omelet if that's really what you want."  Laughed Patch.

            "Did I mention bloody?  It's gotta be bloody.  Man forget it!  I'm makin a lamb chop omelet: extra bloody.  Who wants some?  Robin?"

            "Uhhh.  Maybe some other time.  I'm still recovering from last night."

            "Starfire?"

            "I would like to try a fig omelet."

At this point the main door zipped opened and Raven entered the room.  It had been unexpectedly warm and calm out and surprisingly, she had not suffered the rude awakening she had come to expect.  She was refreshed from an extra long and uninterrupted morning meditation.  You couldn't tell by looking at her of course for she wore the same expression she has always worn.

            "Hey Raven, you want a lamb chop omelet?"

            "I'd puke."  She said walking towards the stove to boil her kettle.

            "Man, since when did alla y'all get so anti-eating?"  Grumbled Cyborg, opening the fridge.

Predictably, the oversized doggy bag fell onto the floor with a sickening wet thump as soon as it was released.  Cyborg began digging through it.

            "Cyborg, how do you eat so much."  Said Robin, slouching next to his juice, visibly ill from the squishy noises Cyborg was making with his rummaging.  "Didn't you just eat an entire deer last night?"

            "Damn right I did and I'm gonna eat two more before the day's through!"

Raven made it to the stove and turned on the burner under her kettle.  She turned to walk away when she noticed that it had begun to whistle almost immediately.  She turned it off and stared at it in thought for a moment, then looked to Patch.  He was explaining something to Starfire at a table near the kitchen.

            "They're really much better in the summer when they're ripe.  This time of year it's difficult to find any unless they're dried.  But ripe or dried, they really don't fry well."

She looked back to her kettle and shrugged it off (it was an inner shrug of course).  She retrieved her teabag from its place in the cabinet and poured a cup.  She left it on the counter to steep and made for the couch.  Various insults, retorts and conversation flew around her but she paid them no mind.  Indeed her extended meditation had been a boon to her focus.  She sat down on the couch in relative isolation and picked up her book of the week, a compilation of Edgar Allen Poe's poems and short stories.  She opened to the story she was currently dissecting, The Pit and the Pendulum, and began reading.  She did not get far before Beast Boy interrupted her.

            "Heyyy Raven, you wanna go to breakfast with us?"

She looked up from her reading

            "I am fasting Beast Boy.  Break-fast would be a bit counterproductive, wouldn't you agree?"

Beast Boy scratched his head in bewilderment.  Patch's voice came from beside him, where Raven couldn't see.

            "It's not a good idea to fast after eating a lot of meat."

Raven looked at him unimpressed.  He was smiling but only slightly.

            "And why not."  She said, a little irked by his shirt.

            "It doesn't have its own fiber.  If you don't eat something to push it through it will putrefy and cause toxemia" He said in a friendly helpful sort of way.

Raven was still unimpressed and looked back to her reading.  She was about to speak when he did.

            "It'll make for a heavy burden on your consciousness."

She looked back at him.  He seemed oblivious to her annoyance and apparently mistook it for interest.  He continued.

            "It'll ruin your focus.  Trust me please."

'Please?'

            "Listen to him Rave;"

Her pupils diverted to Beast Boy but that was the only movement on her part.

            "This guy knows everything there is to know about meat.  Come to the café with us."  Said Beast Boy, hoping very much that she would be his first convert.

            "Please."

She shifted back to Patch.

            "Raven, I wouldn't waste your time unless it was something important." He said in a gentle nurturing, yet very respectful sort of way.  "If you wish to fast please have some fruit first."

His voice became quieter and gentler as he continued.  It was as if he knew that every word out of his mouth annoyed her further and yet could not bring himself to stop talking.  She continued to stare at him, trying to read his intention in his eyes.  Why had this stranger been breathing down her neck since he arrived?  Was it not obvious enough that she preferred not to be bothered?  Perhaps she had thus far made too much of an effort not to be rude.  And what was with the 'please?'

The bright green of his eyes in the full morning light was almost as intense as his shirt.  She sought in them all these answers but instead she found a great depth that threatened to swallow her.  She tried to look away but found it difficult.  She could have pulled herself away; she was sure of it, but the fact that she found it so difficult compelled her to wait and see what would happen.  She felt her awareness being tugged against her will and she became uncomfortable and irritated but his eyes did not waver.  And most annoyingly of all, his warm smile and imposing presence remained constant the entire time.  Just when she felt she was going to have another explosive episode, he swiveled slowly without breaking the gaze right away, and then finally looked at Beast Boy.

            "Come on Beast Boy."  He said smiling.  "If she doesn't want to come there will be no convincing her."

He turned and walked towards the main door without looking back at her.  She felt Beast Boy give her a parting glare but she still had her eyes on Patch's back, as much as the loud neon color irritated her.  Apparently her masochistic streak had not yet worn off but being released from his gaze was a relief she was thankful for.  It wasn't until the door zipped closed behind him that she realized the room was silent.  She turned to look to her three remaining friends, one by one.  They were all looking at her as if she were a toddler who had cursed.

            "Raven?"

It was Starfire.

            "What is the matter?"

            "Yea, what's with the death glare?" Said Robin.

            "Remind me never to tell you what to do."  Added Cyborg, greasy spatula in hand.

She looked from one friend to another for a while longer before realizing the scowl she was wearing.  All benefit from her morning meditation had been lost as she suddenly realized all at once just how irritated and exhausted she was.  She stood up to make back for the roof when Starfire spoke.

            "Raven, Patch is well-versed in the meat science.  You should listen to his advice and not be upset with him."

Raven diverted her scowl towards Starfire, who gasped and took a step back with her hand on her chest.  Robin stepped in front of her protectively.

            "Starfire is right.  He really does know what he's talking about and he was only trying to hel-"

            "When is he leaving."  Interrupted Raven viciously.

Dark energy was crackling steadily around her and there was considerable aggression to be found in her voice but the display was far short of an outburst.  Still such a low growling voice was very uncharacteristic for her.  The others realized she was unstable at the moment and became nervous.  Robin was the one to gather the courage to answer her.

            "He… just did.  He doesn't live here or anything.  He just stayed the night because no one wanted to transport him to the mainland.

            "Fine." Raven answered somewhat recovered.  "I need to be alone now."

She had just finished talking when the crime alert went off.  Robin ran to the console.

            "There's been a break-in in the upper industrial sector."

Cyborg ran over.

            "The industrial sector?  What could anyone wanna steal from there?  Why'd the sensors even pick it up?"

            "High explosives have been detected.  A lot of them.  It looks like they may be out for arson."

The main door opened and everyone turned to see Beast Boy come running into the room.

            "Aww man!"

Robin jumped out of the chair and stood in his cocky leader pose.

            "There's thousands of employees in that area." He said throwing his arm out in front of him dramatically.  "The working day starts in an hour.  We have no time to lose!"

Raven had recomposed herself completely.  Her alone-time would have to wait.  She quickly followed her friends towards the door.  Patch walked in leisurely.

            "Is there anything I can do?"

            "You gotta go home son."  Cyborg answered. 

            "No time." Said Robin hastily. "We gotta save those employees."

            "And he still owes me breakfast!" Added Beast Boy.

            "I could call a water taxi."  Patch offered.

            "Think it'll pick ya up here?"

Patch's smile widened.

            "For the right price."

            "Enough."  Said Raven in her usual level voice.  "We are wasting time."

            "Right." Said their fearless leader.  "Let's go gang."

The Titans raced out the door.  Beast Boy stayed behind.

            "You better leave me your phone number."

            "Don't have one."

            "Huh?  Kay.  Give me your address then."

Patch looked a little embarrassed.

            "Kinda between addresses at the moment."

            "Kayyyy."

The console screen suddenly lit up and displayed Robin's face.

            "Beast Boy, Come on!"

            "You'd better go Beast Boy."  Said Patch calmly.  "Don't worry, I won't stiff you on breakfast."  He said with an assuring smile.

Beast Boy nodded and smiled himself.  He pointed a finger at him at looked at him from the corner of his eye.

            "You better not."

He poofed into a jaguar, turned and leaped out the door.

**********[end chapter 3]**********

Next time: Automatic weapons, cool car chase, bombs to disarm, federal sedans, and lots and lots of chickens!

i'll respond to reviews here. Don't bother reading if you haven't reviewed cuz there won't be anything interesting down here:

amskitty214:

i read your story and it actually has an over all feeling of strong emotion. One of these days, i'll have to sit down and analyze your technique. it seems to me that my own style is a bit dry for emotional scenes. If anything from chapter 2 stands out to you as something i'm obviously doing wrong then please let me know.

Crow():  
I tried to be melancholy and i am fully aware that i've failed. that's why i asked for help. any specific advice? and as for my thick skulledness, i am aware that Raven is not a goth and i only mentioned the word in saying that my Raven will NOT be a goth, unlike the Raven most fanfics seem to go for. Also, I tried really hard not to offend any self-proclaimers but i see i didn't try hard enough. Perhaps i shouldn't have said anything at all. In the future i will do my best to avoid being a stupid moron.

wizardmagic65():

The cursing was a crutch cuz im not skilled enough to show anger any other way besides curses and exclamation marks. And if you're impatient for Romance i suggest you check back in 10 chapters or so. This is not going to be a short simple story. As i have it layed out in my mind there will be several climaxes and quite a few twists. In response to your post, im actually going to change the Genre to Angst/Comedy until love is in the air. Expect a mixture of angst and comedy for the time being. As for the pairings, i expect some flames but you'll have to wait and see who ends up with whom (i'm even considering a reader vote to determine the ultimate outcome when the time comes). Also, i fear i may have been too liberal in my use of the phrase "romantic pairing." And yes, that is Patch's character but there is a reason behind it and i assure you he's not perfect at all and is in some ways about as tragic as Raven herself (as i have it planned out anyway). He has a very important lesson to learn but his deeper character won't be investigated till after the first climax (you'll know when). The first part of the story will be reserved for Raven's transformation.

Z?:

You've caught onto something about Patch that i hadn't intended to reveal just yet. For the time being, keep in mind that it's Beast Boy, not Patch, who is intent on changing everyone. Patch is simply along (at Beast Boy's insistence) to provide his knowledge.

Kishi:

In its strictest definition, meditation is indeed the act of temporarily stilling one's mind. Raven's nightly routine is not so much a true meditation but rather a mind exercise that she came up with in order to relieve emotional backpressure. I've seen such 'mind exercises' being called 'meditation' in books and other sources so i guess i just used the word. You're actually correct and i'm sorry if my choice of words caused any confusion. And your recommendation for having Raven actually talk to herself is well taken, however, i was looking to emphasize the fact that she is fighting an inner battle and i figured it would read more like a true conflict if there were two sides. I did have her emotional manifestations look like her, although with increased size to make her opponents more difficult to ignore (remember, they do everything they can to get 'felt'). Perhaps it would have been more effective to have her actually talk to herself but i think the way i did it was much easier to write (and pretty believable considering the events of Nevermore).


	4. Poultry for Pyros

Welcome to my first attempt at writing action! At first i tried making it exciting but it sucked so i started over by just overly describing everything so the reader can get an image in their mind and then make it as exciting as their imagination permits. (mwahaha- notice how i shifted the responsibility. pretty weasely no?)

Chapter 4:  Of Poultry and Pyrotechnics

            "Ok Titans." Started Cyborg staring into his forearm.  "Looks like our last pyro has finished setting the stage."

The upper industrial sector was perhaps the ugliest part of town.  Here was where land was allocated for space intensive industries that everyone relied on but no one wanted in their backyard.  It was here where asphalt was refined, chemicals were synthesized, and coal was burned.  The area was made up of a wide variety of different landscapes, from gargantuan hangars, to structures which looked more like huge tangles of pipes and smoke stacks than any type of building, to expanses of flatland with piles of some sort of gravel or another.  Where there wasn't a structure, pavement, or gravel pile, there was brown unkempt grass and rusty junk lying on the ground.  Everywhere, oversized dump trucks and containment vehicles could be seen, heard, and smelled traversing the abused roads and making their early morning deliveries.  Despite the expanse, the air was stale and smelled of exhaust and sulfur.

The Titans stood on the roof of a tall factory farm where eggs were produced.  They had arrived on the scene after most of the blips on Cyborg's scanners had stopped moving.  They followed the last moving concentration of explosives to this building.

            "There!"

A figure in a dark green commando getup and black ski mask could be seen leaping from a window to the pavement below.  He looked around thoroughly before dashing to his motorbike- he made it within ten yards when Cyborg landed in front of him with enough force to crack the pavement where he hit.  Up close he could see that the man was wearing a bulletproof vest beneath his dark green shirt.  It would do him no good in this fight, thought Cyborg as he charged his sonic cannon and grinned menacingly.

            "Goin' skiin' black head?"

The figure was startled but only for a second.  In one fluid motion his hand disappeared behind his back and reappeared firing an automatic pistol.  Cyborg covered his face with his arms but luckily, Raven was already beside him and formed a bulletproof dome of dark energy around Cyborg and herself.  The masked man was still firing at the dome when a bird-a-rang from above knocked the weapon from his hand.  He looked up to see where the projectile had come from and instead saw a pair of starbolts heading for where he stood.  He avoided his fate with a leap and roll towards his weapon, oblivious that he had also just dodged a charging green bull.  He grabbed his weapon off the pavement with one hand and stood up aiming to his right to send a burst at Starfire.  His weapon became encased in a dark orb but the man produced a second gun from his left hand and stealthily aimed it towards Raven without extending his left arm.  Raven caught the glint just in time to release her hold on his right weapon and zoom away to avoid the barrage that came her way.  At this point a blow to the man's left elbow caused him to drop that weapon and a second one to his right wrist sent his other skipping across the pavement.  The man panicked and leaped away to avoid any incoming starbolts but slammed right into a giant green gorilla and fell to the ground. Before he recovered, Robin had him in a lock.  Cyborg finally lowered his arms and realized the fight was over.  It had taken all of several seconds.

The man struggled against Robin's hold but to no avail.  The titans gathered around to witness the unmasking.  Robin tried to think of something flashy to say but decided just to pull off the ski mask.  When he did, the group's eyes widened in shock.  The man was not a man at all but a young teenage girl.  The shock caused Robin's grip to loosen slightly.  The girl wore a look of fear but soon shut her eyes very tightly.  There was a flash and the wide eyed Titans were blinded.  Robin lost hold of the wriggling girl and in an instant the motor bike could be heard starting and screeching as it took off.

The sound of the motor waned as the Titans sought to get themselves reorganized.  Robin stood up still unable to see.

            "Cyborg, Raven; disarm those explosives.  Starfire and Beast Boy, follow me!"

            "Huh?" Came Beast Boy's voice.  "Where exactly are you?"

            "DAMNIT!"

Everyone turned in the direction of Cyborg's voice, concerned for his health.

            "How could she have gotten away?"  He whined angrily.  "She wasn't even a super villain!  I can't _believe_ we got beat by a girl!"

*CLANG*

            "Ow!" Yelled Cyborg.  "I _know_ that was you Raven."

            "We're not beaten and she didn't get away." Said Robin, his vision finally recovering.  "You and Raven worry about those explosives.  The rest of us will track her down."

***

The smell was unbearable.

            "Eeucht."  Said Cyborg.  "It sure don't smell like KFC in here."

            "You'd smell too if you had to sit in your own excrement."  Raven replied, recalling the smell she had suffered earlier that morning.

The two were in a large, high-ceilinged, one roomed structure tracking down their fourth bomb in their second building.  This building was the same as the first: From wall to wall and floor to ceiling there were rows and tiers of hen cages, each over a metallic collector for the eggs.  White feathers and grey steel was all one could see while clucking and motors were all one could hear.  Amidst the nauseating combined smell of hundreds, perhaps thousands of chickens, our heroes tread the walkways between endless rows of hen-stuffed cages, following Cyborg's blip.

            "Don't see why Beast Boy is so protective of these things" Said Cyborg, looking about with a disgusted expression.

He saw a particularly ugly creature head butt one of its cage mates repeatedly.  The aggressor did not appear to have a beak.

            "Man, I don't know if some of these are even chickens."

            "Can we please just find this bomb before we suffocate?"

            "Almost there."  Said Cyborg, returning his attention to the task at hand.

They continued walking, Cyborg looking at his forearm and leading the way with a hooded Raven behind him.  She was checking this way and that for any signs of trouble.  There were no employees to speak of in the sea of hens.  Apparently the entire operation, from feeding to collecting was automated.  They walked a bit further when Cyborg rounded a corner and stopped.  He looked up from his forearm and immediately spotted the device at the base of a large support column.

            "There it is.  Cheap piece a junk just like the others.  They're all remotely detonated."

Raven lifted her right hand and it glowed black as she prepared to dismantle the detonator.

            "Wait."  Said Cyborg.

Raven discharged her hand and looked at him.

            "If four of these use the same cheap design, chances are the rest do too."

He lifted his other forearm and a panel opened up, revealing an interface of sorts.

            "If I can isolate the exact frequency."  He said pressing keys on his arm.  "….Got it.  Alls I gotta do now, is modulate my transmitter to jam that frequency and GI Jane won't be able to detonate any explosives for at least a 500 meter radius, which _means_."  He switched arms to look at his scanner.  "We only hafta disarm two more bombs and then just wait for the others to bring her down."

Cyborg crossed his arms on his chest and stood tall and proud with a huge toothy grin.

            "You're amazing."  Responded Raven sarcastically.

She dismantled the bomb with a wave of her hand and turned towards the exit.

            "And _ you're_ honest." Said Cyborg striding after her.

***

            "There!"

Robin had spotted the girl on the freeway bobbing and weaving through rush hour traffic with her motorbike.  Her ski mask was off and her light brown hair was flapping in the wind.  Beast Boy shifted his hawk wings to swoop in for the attack.

            "Hold it Beast Boy," said Robin, suspended by his underarms from Starfire.  "If she'll blow up a workplace she won't hesitate to injure innocent bystanders.  We'll have to wait until she pulls off the main road."

The three followed her from high in the air for a few moments longer when suddenly she came to a long truck and sped up along side it.  Robin became worried as she disappeared behind the truck.  A flash was seen and the Titans watched in horror as the truck began to swerve wildly.  Robin felt a surge of adrenaline and thought quickly.  He ordered Starfire to fly him to the truck's cockpit.  As they approached they noticed the girl's motorbike had fallen and was skidding along the highway sending sparks flying and cars swerving.  She must have abandoned her bike for the truck!  The bike skidded just beneath Robin's feet as Starfire closed on the truck.  She carried Robin to the passenger's side door, flying back forth as the truck randomly swerved toward and away from her in turn.  Robin decompressed his attack rod and smashed the window.  With a snap of his body he was in the passenger's seat.  The girl was nowhere in sight but a slightly overweight and grossly unshaven trucker was desperately trying to straighten his vehicle.  Robin could tell he had been blinded by the way he looked past him in fear.

            "Wh-who's there!?"

            "Sir I'm here to help."

Robin grabbed the wheel and began trying to right the huge truck while trying to avoid the guardrail and other vehicles. The driver was cooperating by gradually slowing the truck down and blowing the horn to alert other drivers.  The method was working as vehicles in front of the mammoth truck were giving the beast all the space they could.  Robin's heart pumped adrenaline rich blood as he swerved just in time to miss a lagging station wagon.  Presently, he realized the eighteen-wheeler would not be able to right itself and would soon flip and cause a disastrous pileup.  He quickly considered his options and decided there was only one thing to do.

            "This thing got airbags?"

            "Driver only."

            "Fair enough."

Robin's eyes narrowed in determination.  As the truck veered back and forth, he steered it gradually to the right.  Starfire and Beast Boy watched helplessly from the sky as Robin maneuvered the truck towards the side railing.  He veered one more time to the left and then turned hard to the right and crashed the side of the rig into the railing.  Sparks flew and a terrible screeching signaled the grinding of metal against concrete.  The cockpit filled with the smell of burning rubber as all 5 of the truck's rightmost tires dragged against the guardrail.

            "What the hell are you doing to my truck?!"

            "Saving your life!"

The truck screeched along the railing for several more seconds before an explosion was heard from out the passenger side window.  One of the tires had burst!  Moments later another explosion indicated the loss of another tire, then another, then two more.  The right side of the truck sank and the weight of the cargo began to tip the truck onto the railing.  Robin braced himself as he felt gravity take control of the cockpit.  The moment of freefall ended abruptly as metal groaned and glass shattered. The truck was riding the railing on the right and its tires on the left.  They were now in an exit only lane and traffic was no longer a concern.  The driver blinked a few times as he felt his vision returned to him.

            "Brace for impact!"

The driver blinked one more time and opened his eyes to see the thick metal tube of an exit marker come rushing towards where the windshield used to be.  The truck plowed right through it and the airbag blew up in his face.  This made it very difficult for Robin to steer but it no longer mattered as momentum was the only driver at this point.  The truck continued to grind the railing up the off ramp.  A red stop light could be seen in the distance, complete with a line of 5 or 6 stopped cars!  The sight instilled in Robin the cold sweat of fear but it was soon a blur as the railing ended and the truck fell completely onto its side.  Robin slammed painfully into the passenger side door as the abrupt change in height had detached the truck from its cargo.  The cockpit picked up a bit of speed, spinning on its right side completely out of control towards the stopped cars.  Robin knew disaster was imminent as he could hear nothing but screaching metal and could not tell which direction was forward.  He shred the driver's side airbag with a bird-a-rang and reached across the driver's chest to his fully open window.  He pulled himself out of the vehicle and was soon standing on top of the spinning truck.  He pulled open the door, grabbed the disoriented trucker by his flannel collar, and cut him free from his seat belt.  He pulled him out of the window and reached for his grapping hook but it was too late- The shriek of a hawk was heard and a gigantic brontosaurus tail materialized in front of the truck.  It collided with a crash, sending Robin and the trucker flying into the air.  Robin held the driver's collar in a white-knuckled death grip and desperately tried to find his orientation amidst the spinning world.  His heart jumped when both his shoulders seemed to have caught onto something and his back impacted against something soft.  He tightened his grip on the driver who had continued to fly despite Robin's impact.

Starfire flew them down to the sidewalk and set them down gently.  The light turned green but the drivers of the cars were too busy checking out the accident so close behind them to notice.  The truck driver was also looking at his mangled and dismembered rig, his hands on his head.  Starfire looked at Robin.

            "Where is the girl we were chasing?"

Robin took a moment to figure out where he was and then replied.

            "Got away.  The truck was a decoy."  He sighed.  "She must have hijacked a car or something."

At this point Beast Boy came running across the street.

            "Yo, did we get her?"

Robin shook his head and showed his empty hands.

            "What!?  After all that?"  Beast Boy was visibly upset.  "Aww mann!"

Starfire looked thoughtful.

            "I hope the others have met with more success than we have."

***

            "Whaddaya _mean_ we hafta leave?!"

Cyborg was yelling at an all too serious man in a black sport suit.

            "Young man, please leave now or I will be forced to arrest you."

            "Arrest me!?  I'm here fighting crime!  Who do you think you are _drivin up in here_ with your _fancy black sedans_ and telling _me_ where to be?!

            "I'm _federal_ agent Sparks young man.  This is a terrorist situation and therefore falls under _federal_ jurisdiction.  This area is now a _federal_ crime scene and your continued presence here is in violation of _federal_-"

            "FEDERAL MY- Ooff"

            "With all due respects agent Sparks," Interrupted Raven retracting her elbow. "There are remotely detonated explosives in these buildings and our presence here is crucial to prevent-"

            "The prompt removal of your presence from this area is crucial to prevent me from throwing you both in jail." Said agent Sparks without raising his voice.  "I will not ask you again."

            "People… will die."  Raven was crackling slightly but her voice remained level.  "Are you prepared to take responsibility for that?"

A shriek of a hawk was heard and Robin, Beast Boy and Starfire landed just in time to see agent Sparks take out a pair of handcuffs.  Their arrival was enough to divert him from the potentially fatal mistake he was about to make.

            "Woa woa woa," intervened Robin. "What's going on here?"

            "Didja guys catch the girl?"

Robin shook his head in disappointment.

            "She got away.  Almost killed a lot of people in the process."

Cyborg stamped the ground in frustration, his hand on his forehead.  Beast Boy spoke from behind Robin.

            "What's with all the suits?"

The entire area was crawling with federal agents escorting people out of buildings, asking questions, taking notes, and talking on cell phones.  It was a strange juxtaposition, so many sharp and freshly pressed sport suits wandering around the ugly and stagnating landscape.  Sparks spoke towards the newly arrived three.

            "You are all trespassing on a federal crime scene.  Please remove yourselves immediately or I will be forced to arrest you."

Robin wouldn't have it.

            "_Federal_ crime scene?  What interest does the federal government have in an arson case?"

            "Not arson."  Replied Sparks coolly. "Terrorism.  We've been tracking this group for over a decade.

            "Man, why would terrorists wanna blow up chickens?"  Demanded Cyborg, still angry.

            "All public information will be disclosed at the press conference.  If you don't leave now I will arrest you.  I'm not joking."

Cyborg clenched his fists and grit his teeth.  Robin prevented disaster once again.

            "Alright sir…  Let's go Titans."

Cyborg turned to him.

            "We didn't get all the bombs man.  My transmitter is the only thing keeping this place from blowing."

Robin thought for a moment with his hand on his chin.  Suddenly his fist went up and pointed a finger to the sky as his expression changed to one of cocky triumph.

            "Sooo…"

His hands went out to either side of him as he shrugged his shoulders, grinning.

            "Why don't you leave the transmitter here?"

Cyborg stared at him for a moment then returned his grin.  He closed his eyes in a look of concentration and, moments later, and a depressurization was heard.

            "Doorknob!" Yelled Beast Boy.

Everyone but Starfire and agent Sparks glared at him.  He gave a nervous grin and cowered, blushing.  Cyborg grabbed his right arm with his left hand and jiggled it until it detached with a sound similar to a sword being unsheathed.  He held it in front of Raven.  Her eyes became white as she surrounded it in one of her dark orbs and levitated it skyward.  All eyes followed it until it came to rest entangled in an antenna on top of a nearby recycling center.  Agent Sparks looked on without astonishment and then turned to Cyborg.

            "I'm… not entirely sure if you're allowed to do that."

**********[end chapter 4]**********

Next time: Patch keeps his promise, Beast Boy is right, Cyborg eats meat, Raven kicks herself, Starfire asks for mustard, and Robin gives in to peer pressure.

Responses to reviews:

Jysella:

::stares in slight amazement for several moments:: wow!! what a kind review! I didn't realize anyone would actually like Patch. My aim so far was to make him seem a little too perfect, something like a Christ/Buddha/Gandhi character, and i know people tend to hate 'perfect' characters (remember aqualad?). I also sought to glorify his "peaceful nature" but beware that i am quite a devious author- his peacefulness may not end up being what it seems (as a hint to what i'm getting at, recall how he didn't help the fallen Beast Boy in chapter 1). likewise with the nurturing. Patch doesn't speak unless he needs to so everytime i make him say or do something its for characterization (the other titans just act according to their personality from the show- they come pre-characterized). If you really like Patch, i recommend paying close attention to everything he does and looking for inconsistencies and perhaps trying to read his thoughts (i don't intend on ever narrating from his perspective and you can't trust the opinions of other characters). That's great that you can relate to him because it'll make the story more interesting for you when he is presented with his lessons he needs to learn (remember, this is essentially a story about spiritual transformation). And if you're a vegan you'll love this story because veganism will be a central theme (i intend to use it to explore the nature of morality, idealism, and good/evil distinction). Also, expect another vegan character introduced (a girl) by...ohhhh....say, chapter 11 or 12. As for comic Raven vs TV Raven, i predict that sleeping Trigon is probably the only significant thing i'll bring from the comics. But it is definitely a big deal because every romance story involving Raven seems to have Raven throwing caution to the wind and deciding to love freely without any mention of Trigon (things blow up, sure, but no devils awaken). And that's also wonderful that we have the same idea of what Raven should be like (do all we herbivores think alike perhaps?). In this story i'm going to put her under a lot of stress so we'll see if we stay in agreement as she reacts to unnaturally stressful situations (it will get VERY ugly around ch6 or 7). Oh, and if you're serious about being vegan/vegetarian, make sure you do your nutrition research. I've heard too many horror stories, especially about teenagers. Raw, dark leafy greens (spinach and kale are my favorite) pack the most nutrition. I wish you luck! 

Kishi

Thanks for the encouragement. I've heard that alot of christians fear the mind stillness type of meditation because the ministry puts alot of emphasis on "This is the way it is and to think other religions are correct is heresy." In actuality, despite what the new age movement likes to have us believe, true meditation isn't anymore a religious activity than brushing your teeth, it's simply a time for the mind to stop thinking for a moment and allow 'non-thoughts' to bubble to the surface. There are many benefits to this but i won't bore you. The point is that religion and meditation can mix. I actually hated christianity when i was younger (too many bad experiences) but it turns out i simply didn't understand it (or rather let a few incompetent priests give me a watered down understanding which wasn't satisfying). Meditation helped me to break free of old thought patterns and understand the gospels for myself and now Christ is my goal.


	5. Lunch

Yaawwwn....this chapter is really long and boring but it was necessary to build the plot and do some last minute characterization on Patch. Here we'll see the first hints that Patch isn't flawless and apparently has some issues. In order to make it up to you, i've uploaded chapter 6 as well, which is the best chapter yet in my opinion. Chapter 7 will be up in a few days and then i really need to start caring about school again.

Chapter 5: Lunch

The main door of the console room zipped open to reveal five beaten and exhausted teenagers.  Cyborg looked particularly upset.  They took a few steps through the door before noticing Patch was just about to leave through the same door.  He was already smiling and did not seem a bit surprised.

            "Hello." He said to the surprised Titans.  "I was just leaving."

Indeed his bag was hanging from his shoulder.  Beast Boy stepped forward.

            "Awesome!  I'm starving, how 'bout that breakfast now?"

At this five stomachs began to growl.  It was just past lunchtime and no one had eaten any breakfast.  Patched laughed louder than usual.

            "Interesting you should ask."

He stepped aside to reveal a table full of food and set for five.

            "I wasn't sure if I'd ever see you again and I always keep my promises."

He turned to the others.

            "And I know you all missed breakfast as well so I prepared meals for everyone else too."

He looked back to the table to see how the presentation looked from their perspective.

            "You arrived just in time too.  Everything's still hot."

The Titans were awestruck.  They switched looks repeatedly between the food and Patch.  Patch beamed at the happy predicament he had caused.

            "Won't you sit down?"

He bowed slightly and pointed both arms at the table.

            "A chef's greatest compliment is a cleaned plate." 

Despite the invitation, no one knew what to say or do… no one besides Starfire that is.

            "Oh Patch I am famished!

She floated over to him and gave him a tight Tamaranian squeeze.

            "Thank you so much for the unexpected meal!"

He would surely have answered but Starfire's squeeze had forced all the wind out of him.  Although his face began to turn purple, his smile remained.  Her enthusiasm was enough to bring the other Titans to their senses.

            "Jeeze Patch," started Robin, his hand scratching the back of his head.  "That's really……nice….of you."

            "Like... REALLY………nice"  Added Cyborg.

            "One clean plate, coming right up!"  Announced Beast Boy.

He walked towards the table.  Starfire released Patch from her sweet grip of death.  And floated over towards Beast Boy.  When she arrived he was looking at the table scratching his head.

            "So umm….which one's mine?"

Patch walked over to him and the remaining Titans followed.  He put his hand on Beast Boy's back and guided him to the spot at the table prepared for him.

            "Beast Boy," he said as if he were a professional orator addressing an audience.  "It is time you learned that there is more to being a vegetarian than soybean derivatives.  I present to you, the vegetarian salad, differing from normal salads in both size and composition."

            The giant salad he was gesturing to was a huge gourmet jungle of various dark shades of green, upon which rested a small cloud of threadlike sprouts and a generously sprinkled assortment of nuts and seeds.  It was uniformly moist with dressing.  Beast Boy sat down, never taking his enlarged eyes off the meal.  He stared at it a moment or two longer, his mouth open and drooling slightly, and then looked to the right to find a fork.  He slowly reached for it and picked it up.  All eyes were on him as he timidly impaled several layers of moistened leaf.  He brought the mass to his open mouth and stuffed it inside.  He removed the fork from his closed lips and began chewing slowly.  His eyes widened further and he began chewing faster….and faster.

            "This….is…AWESOME!"

Everyone except Patch jumped back a little from his outburst.

            "What kind of dressing is this?!"  He asked without looking up and with his mouth full.

Patch looked towards the ceiling and began listing the ingredients.

            "Olive oil, lemon juice, a bit of garlic, basil,-"

            "You MADE it?!"  Exclaimed Beast Boy, looking up finally.

Patch looked down at him, confused for a moment, and then said finally.

            "Well…yea.  That bottled crap sucks."

Beast Boy looked down at his salad a moment then looked back but Patch had already begun to tend to the anxious Starfire.

            "As for you m'lady,"  He said, his hand on the back of a very excited Starfire.  "I tried to warn you but you would not be deterred.  To you I present the one-of-a-kind never-before-attempted Turkish fig omelet."

Starfire put her hands to her cheeks and squealed in excitement.  She sat down quickly and began eating.  She chewed a bit and then closed her eyes and made a huge smile.

            "It is quite delicious.  Although it would surely be enhanced by 2.6 squirts of mustard."

Patch looked thoughtfully at a closed cabinet off to the side.  The others, including Starfire, followed his view and noticed all the dirty pots, pans and dinnerware had been cleaned up and the counter was spotless.  There was also a huge bowl filled with pounds and pounds of fruit.  He thought a few moments more then looked back to Starfire.

            "If you can wait patiently for a few more minutes I can have that mustard for you."

She resumed her closed eyed smile.

            "Wonderful!"

That settled, he extended his arm to encircle Robin's shoulder and lead him to a large plate of whole-grain pasta.

            "As an ex-gymnast Robin I'm sure you appreciate the energy contribution of complex carbohydrates."

It was true.  In fact, at the moment it was a craving.

            "I couldn't guess as to your preference of sauce so I made an olio and a marinara.   Patch said, gesturing to the two smaller bowls of red and gold.

Robin looked hungrily at the three bowls in front of him.  He was about to express his gratitude when Patch went on with the show.

            "With two places remaining I'm sure you remaining two can figure out which meal is intended for whom."  He said with a huge smile.

At the head of the table was a platter stacked with lamb drowning in a black sauce.  At the last empty seat was a small bowl which served as a base for a pile of sectioned pears.

            "Hells yea, that's what _I'm_ talking about!"  Said Cyborg, hungrily walking to his place by the meat.  "I was afraid you'd stick me with some nasty toFU."

Raven continued to stand and looked at her bowl of fruit.  She looked to Patch and he was looking at her calmly with a look of slight vulnerability.

            "It's your choice of course."

His voice had returned to that gentle and respectful tone that he seemed to reserve only for her.  Once again, it annoyed her to no end.  Everyone was staring at her now.  She had decided earlier that she would be a bit ruder to him in order to remove from his mind this crazy idea that she would tolerate him, but he had obviously gone through a lot of trouble to prepare this meal and to refuse his offer in front of a table full of her fellow Titans, and with him giving her that look and asking her in that tone of voice, would have been more than a little too rude.  She cursed her situation.  She cursed him.  Had he planned it like this?  Had he gone through all this trouble of preparing five meals just to entrap her like this, to force her to eat that blasted fruit that he had recommended to her earlier that morning?

            "But I implore you."

The vulnerability in his voice had increased.  As much as it irritated her, she had no choice.  Suppressing a sigh and avoiding his gaze, she walked to her setting and sat down without a word.  She knew what was coming now.  He was going to stare at her until she took her first bite. He would not rest until he had broken her completely.  What happened next surprised her although she supposed it shouldn't have.  He placed his hand gently on her shoulder.  She was suddenly flooded with an oppressive warmth that felt much like his presence but localized inside of her, attacking from the inside out.  It began where he touched her and spread quickly through her chest and down her arms.  It was rushing down her spine by the time she caught it and began to resist it.  She froze and let the rigidity of her muscles help to block the flow.  The weight on his hand shifted and it was off of her in an instant.  The warmth faded slowly as she noticed him walking away from her, back towards the kitchen.  It had been only a passing touch, lasting hardly a second.  Anyone who had witnessed it could never have expected the extent to which it devastated her.  For this she was both thankful for the avoided embarrassment and regretful that he would never realize how he made her suffer.  Shaken and exhausted from the fight, she truly wished to lose control and yell at him or punch him, but her face showed only calm and her actions only apathy.

            "Now for that mustard."  He said cheerfully walking towards the cabinet he had stared at earlier.

            "Mm."  Mumbled Cyborg, chewing loudly.  "This lamb is exquisite.  Where'd you learn ta burn a beast like this?"

            "DUDE!  You made him MEAT?"

            "Yea."  Said Robin, also chewing but not so obnoxiously.  "I've had marinara before but this is something else."

Patch chuckled.  He was pooling ingredients from the cabinet onto the counter.

            "Glad you like it Cyborg." He said without turning around. "It's a Cajun pepper sauce.  I don't really know how to prepare meat but it was all precooked so I just marinated and broiled it a little to bring it back to life."

He turned around and began carrying an armful of ingredients to the blender.

            "And thank you Robin; it's really a very simple recipe:  Boiled down tomato puree with some olive oil and spices." He said adding ingredients to the blender with professional speed.

            "DUDE!" Beast Boy attempted a second time. "Why did you-"

He was interrupted by the blender which Patch had just turned on.  The ingredients inside swirled and combined until the mixture took on a dark yellow color.  Patch turned up the speed and the mustard gradually became thicker.  He cut the power and promptly poured the stuff into a waiting small glass serving bowl.  He rinsed the blender jar briefly, then added a serving teaspoon to the bowl and carried it towards the table.

            "DUDE!!-"

            "I had no choice Beast Boy." Patch interrupted him, avoiding eye contact.  "If I had given him something other than meat he wouldn't have eaten it."

Cyborg stuck his black pepper coated tongue at Beast Boy.  This only agitated him further.

            "Then ya shoulda let'm starve!  You're feeding his addiction man!"

            "I prepared this meal to nourish," He said placing the bowl in front of Starfire.  "Not to convert."

His voice hit that note of sadness it had the last time Beast Boy got over excited about Cyborg's dietary habits.  He turned around to head back towards the kitchen area.  Beast Boy yelled after him.

            "Well you're just making it worse!"

Patch made the rest of his way to the kitchen in unhurried silence.  When he turned around to look at Beast Boy, his smile was gone and his eyes looked pained.

            "Do you honestly think he's any more of a meat eater now than he was before the meal?"

Everyone was stunned at this new side of him.  Even Beast Boy seemed a little put back.  Patch saw everyone's expression change and he looked to the jar in the sink and began toweling it.

            "And do you honestly think he would be any less of one should he have come home to a big green salad?"

The sadness in his voice had increased and it got a lot quieter.  He looked up and stared out the giant windows, seemingly in deep thought.  One wouldn't have noticed his slight slouch had they not been so used to his almost comical straightness.  Beast Boy had seemingly relented and everyone was quiet.  Moments passed and he continued to stare.  Beast Boy, intent on getting the last word, however futile, broke the silence.

            "Jeeze." He said, almost under his breath, his arms crossed in defeated defiance.  "Looks like someone has issues."

The entire table looked at him in disbelief at what he dared say.  They looked to Patch and saw that he had not changed his expression nor the direction of his gaze.  Their looks returned to Beast Boy, this time with anger.  Even Raven had to admit he was out of line.  A nervous Beast Boy was saved from a flurry of blows by Patch's chuckle.

            "I suppose you're right."  He said lightly.

The table looked to him.  He was still staring out the window but his expression had become much brighter, as if reminiscing rather than mourning.  He finally turned to Beast Boy.

            "It is merely a reality that I've come to realize only at great cost."

Beast Boy's fighting spirit was gone.  Needless to say Patch's response was not the one he expected.  Once again silence reigned and Patch looked back to the window, as if saying goodbye to his thoughts before returning to the social world.

            "Patch?"

Patch turned his head slightly to look at Starfire.

            "Hm?" He said without moving.

            "Your mustard is wonderful."

She blushed as she said it.  There was a comfortable silence for a moment and then he gave a light smile and sighed happily.  He looked around at everyone.

            "You all like your food don't you?"

All answers came simultaneously.

            "Oh yes!"

            "You Bet."

            "Yeas."

            "Damn straight."

His smile widened.  He looked over to Raven's bowl and saw that well over half of the pear sections were gone.  He looked up at her face.  She had a section half chewed in her mouth but she stopped chewing when he asked the question.  She did not want to give him the satisfaction she only narrowly escaped when she first sat down.  Nevertheless, when he looked into her eyes all his previous upset vanished and he was fully himself again.  He broke the gaze before any real damage was caused and looked around at everyone.

            "It was all prepared without any excessive cruelty.  Even Starfire's eggs are from cage-free hens.  I've visited the farmer so I know he takes great care of his-"

Cyborg pounded the table with his fist.  Plates and silverware clattered.  Everyone looked at him.  He had his forehead in his left hand and his right fist was buried several centimeters into the table.

            "Did I… say something wrong?"

Patch's face showed genuine confusion, not any sort of hurt or fear.  Cyborg's showed frustration.  Raven's showed nothing.

            "He's still a little upset we got our butts kicked by a girl."

Patch looked to her with an honest, angelic expression one would expect him to wear as he slept.  She accidentally caught his gaze and his lips curled into another one of his vulnerable smiles.  Robin spoke, saving her from the torment of another extended eye-lock.

            "But why egg factories?"

Patch looked to Robin suddenly.  Raven was relieved to have been freed.  Apparently he had taken her act of answering his question as a gesture of acceptance.  She made a mental note not to let it happen again.  Robin continued.

            "Why not a more strategic target like a military one, or a financial center?"

Raven began to pick up turmoil coming from Patch.  She looked in his direction, weary of his eyes, and noticed he was staring out the window again.

            "I don't know dude," started Beast Boy.  "That girl looked American to me.  Why would an American wanna bring down America?"

            "I've heard that _some_ groups go so far as to _bleach_ their skin and wear _contacts_ to _appear_ American."  Answered Robin.

            "Man, why would she bleach her face and then wear a ski mask?"  Countered Cyborg, only slightly recovered from his frustration.

Raven noticed Patch's turmoil intensify for a moment and then saw him begin to turn his head.  She looked away immediately but he was not turning to face her but to face Robin.

            "Not all terrorists are out to topple governments."

Everyone had forgotten he was there and was surprised to hear him speak.  He seemed to have some difficulty with the word 'terrorist,' as if he had never pronounced it before.  When he saw that he had everyone's attention he continued.

            "Some merely wish to elicit change."

He looked back to his window, somewhat forlorn.

            "…In any way possible."

            "So, what?"  Started Cyborg, directing his agitation at Patch.  "You sayin' these terrorists hate chickens?"

Beast Boy stood up, one hand on the table and one pointing into the air.

            "Or maybe…"  His voice slowed for dramatic emphasis.  "They hate eggs."

Beast Boy's proposition was met with three angry glares.  The exceptions were Starfire, who was confused but thankful that it was not her who had made the inappropriate comment, and Patch, who was back to his window staring.  Beast Boy sat back down.

            "This isn't funny dawg," reprimanded Cyborg.  "Terrorists are serious-"

            "He's right."

Everyone looked to Patch confused, including Beast Boy.  Patch looked to the group from his window and spoke.

            "Today I visited several markets.  I noticed that all of them were temporarily out of red meat.  At one of them there was a news reporter interviewing the deli manager.  Apparently, there had been a recall of almost all the red meat in the city due to contamination concerns."

He looked back to the window.  Raven once again picked up inner turmoil.  There was silence as everyone considered what he had just said.  He spoke again without turning.

            "American meat-packing standards leave a lot to be desired but such a failure is very uncharacteristic."

He turned finally from his window.  His eyes were pained again but there was no defensiveness in his voice, only solemness.

            "Many find there to be a lot of cruelty involved in both the raising and slaughter of cows and in the production of eggs.  Picketers are ridiculed and such issues never make it to politics by natural avenues."

He referred to the window again as if asking it what to say next.  He turned back and continued.

            "Some people will go to great lengths to stop practices they consider wrong.  Abraham Lincoln declared war on slavery and it seems some animal rights activists are prepared to do the same in the name of their own ideals."

Everyone was silent as they considered the possibility of animal rights terrorism, everyone except Robin that is.

            "And these activists are willing to risk the lives of PEOPLE, mothers and fathers, to protect ANIMALS?"  He said with resentment in his voice.

Patch looked hurt for a moment but then turned back to his window.

            "I'm sure many sixteenth century American soldiers would have shared your opinion."

Robin stood up and started shouting.

            "How could you compare Cyborg with a cow?!?!"

Patch was unaffected by the outburst.  His only response was to look Robin straight in the eye and respond in a cocky matter-of-fact tone.

            "I was comparing nothing of the sort.  I was merely underlining the fact that your view of equality is shaped definitively by your surroundings.  To you an animal is somehow less than a human but others in different situations may conceivably regard them more equally."

Robin clenched his fists and stared down Patch from across the room.

            "You got a lot of nerve comparing great leaders and symbols of freedom with terrorists."

Patch was still unfazed, still cocky.  In fact the argument seemed to bring back a bit of his playfulness and all of his straightness.

            "And you've got a lot to learn about the frailty of your ideals in a dynamic reality."

This didn't calm Robin down at all, not that it was intended to do so.

            "What the HELL did you just say?!  What do YOU know about MY ideals?!  And just WHO do you think-"

            "Boys!  Robin!  Stop it!" Starfire interposed.  "I do not understand that which you argue about but we will not solve the mystery by mean talk."

Robin looked at Patch in fury.  Patch looked at Robin as if he was a small puppy who was growling at him to give back his chew toy.  Beast Boy and Cyborg were completely lost and Raven was considering what had been said.  Starfire continued.

            "Robin, you should not be yelling and Patch, you should not have said things to offend Robin.  You both should partake in an apology." She said clasping her hands together joyfully.

            "Apologize!?  Did you hear what he said!?"

            "I'm not sorry for I have offended no one.  Robin is offended because of his attachment to intangible ideas."

Robin began yelling at Patch with bolstered fury.  Starfire sank into her seat, defeated. A dry voice silenced Robin.

            "I see this room is not big enough for two egos of such magnitude."

It was Raven.  She did not look or sound angry but an insult from Raven tended to cut straight to the bone as she did not mince words.  Both boys looked to her.  She had her hands on her hips and was apparently waiting for them to apologize to each other.  Robin was stunned that she had spoken.  Patch laughed.

            "She is right you know."  He said with a huge smile.

He began walking towards Robin.  Robin regained his anger as his opponent had violated his personal space, regardless of whether or not it be to make peace.  He gave Patch an angry glare but it didn't faze the approaching boy in the least.  Patch spoke as he walked.

            "You believe in objective idealism and I do not."

He reached Robin and stopped a handshaking distance away, and looked him in the eyes happily.  Robin was still angry.

            "Neither of us will agree to the other's side and as Raven pointed out,"

He gave her a knowing glance and returned his eyes to Robin's.

            "Neither of us will back down.  I don't want to make an enemy of you and I'm sure you as a Teen Titan have enough enemies of your own."

His voice was soft and childlike, despite the maturity of his words.

            "It appears we have no choice but to call a truce on this topic."

He extended his hand for a handshake.

            "If we become enemies over a difference of opinion then we are no better than the terrorists."

That statement made Robin even angrier.  He knew he was not a terrorist and yet he also knew he resented this boy and this truce, not to mention all the attention he received from Starfire.  He looked down at Patch's extended hand.  He wanted to swat it away but he felt the judgmental silence of all his friends waiting for him to make the mature decision.  He looked up into Patch's eyes, determined to accept the truce but make sure Patch knew he hadn't won.  The angry look he imparted to him was absorbed into his bright green orbs and they did not waver their friendliness.  He eventually realized his anger would go unrecognized.  He sighed and took Patch's hand, feeling defeated for the second time that day.

Raven felt defeated as well.  Her comment was designed to shut the both of them up and knock Patch off his high horse.  It hadn't worked at all; in fact, Patch seemed to use it to his advantage.  She pitied Robin, a sore loser by nature who, as smart as he was, never stood a chance against Patch in the battle of wits that had just been resolved.  The fact that Robin had completely misunderstood Patch's argument from the beginning didn't help his case.  She looked to Patch.  He had apparently forgotten about the argument and was fully back to his joyful self.  Surely he knew that he was misunderstood; in fact he had tried to correct Robin.  And yet he was not disheartened the way she was whenever she was reminded that no one could ever understand her.

And as much as she hesitated to admit it, she knew solid logic when she saw it and Patch was certainly on to something.  She loathed making her concession public but she decided stopping these villains was of a higher priority than dismounting Patch.

            "As much as he lacks humility," She began flatly, without looking at him.  "He does have a point."

She was sure to avoid Robin's gaze as well.

            "There are people out there who would kill other people for their beliefs.  We met one of them this morning.  If what Patch says about the recall is true, then it is quite probable that we are dealing with animal rights terrorists.  The only thing left to do is predict where they will strike next and be there waiting when they do."

As much as Robin was the leader, when Raven spoke, everyone listened.  Everyone took to their thinking pose and considered what she had said.

*munch munch munch….*

Beast Boy suddenly found himself under assault by several angry glares.

            "What?  It's good.  It _is_ lunch time isn't it?"

Cyborg stood up from his place, leaving only Beast Boy and Starfire still seated.

            "C'mon y'all.  We're wasting time.  Let's go put the data in the console and see if we can't-"

Starfire interrupted him.

            "Beast Boy is right."

All eyes diverted to her.

            "All right!  Two for two!"  Reveled Beast Boy.

Everyone ignored him.  Starfire continued.

            "There is no rush to find their next striking.  Now is the time for eating.  Patch has visited several markets and has spent much time chefing the kitchen to prepare wonderful meals for us."

Robin and Cyborg looked to the floor ashamed.

            "He does not even demand thanks but rather prefers us to present clean plates of gratitude.  Only Raven has been so gracious"

All eyes found Raven's empty bowl.  She could only imagine Patch's reaction as she avoided his gaze by looking at Starfire and mentally kicked herself for being so gluttonous.  She waited uncomfortably for Starfire to continue or someone else to save her from the moment.

            "Starfire, it's ok."

It was Patch.  He looked up from Starfire and addressed those standing.

            "Everyone has already been very generous with their compliments.  Yours were especially kind."  He said looking down at her warmly.  "I in fact have over stayed my welcome.  I never intended to be here when you all returned."

He turned around and walked towards his sack in the kitchen.  All eyes were on him.

            "You all have a very important job to do."

He picked up his sack and ducked into the single strap.  He turned around and everyone could see that the strap was across his chest the way it had been when he was about to leave earlier.

            "I prepared the food to help you do your job better, not to distract you from it."

He took a few steps toward the door and then turned around again.

            "Robin."  He said looking slightly more serious than usual.  "I'm serious about our truce.  I really don't want to leave on bad terms."

Patch looked calmly at a slightly startled Robin and waited for his response.  Beast Boy didn't give him the chance.

            "You're LEAVING?"

Patch looked to Beast Boy a little confused but didn't say anything.

            "You can't LEAVE.  You- WE still have to give Cyborg the talk."

Patch stopped and looked down to consider this.  It didn't take him long to look up and shrug his shoulders.

            "Perhaps some other time when you and your friends are not so busy."

            "Some other time?  Dude you don't even have an ADDRESS!"

The four remaining Titans widened their eyes in shock.

            "You're," started Robin "…homeless?"

Patch looked only slightly ashamed.

            "Well not technically.  I do have a particularly warm cardboard box behind a Chinese takeout."

The Titans were horrified.  Patch could not hold in his laughter for very long at all.

            "I'm kidding."

No one laughed.

            "I've been staying at motels."

Robin continued the interrogation.

            "Don't you have… a family?"

            "My mom is in this city…somewhere.  I'll probably live with her as soon as I find her."

            "Oh!"  Exclaimed Starfire.  "Perhaps we can locate her on the console!"

            "Yea."  Said Cyborg.  "Just gimme her name and the directory program can find her in no time.

Patch started becoming nervous.

            "Uh.  She doesn't exactly stick with one name.  In fact, she avoids any transactions or agreements that would leave a paper trail."

            "What is she? Asked Beast Boy.  "A secret agent?"  He suggested, inconspicuously looking back and forth through the corners of his eyes.

Patch chuckled lightly despite his growing nervousness.

            "No, she's just a little paranoid."

There was uneasy silence.

            "Oh I see." Broke Cyborg with an apparent realization.  "So your mom is a little…"

He raised his hand and traced a spiral around his ear with his index finger.  Patch calmed down considerably and laughed heartily.

            "Some would say so, yes."  He said with much cheer.

            "Well… How're you gonna find her?" Asked Robin

Patch laughed again; he was completely over his nervousness.

            "My mom has the same expensive tastes I do.  There are only a few markets and restaurants in town that will cater to her needs.

He smiled as if he had just realized something.

"One could say my search consists mainly of fine dining and grocery shopping."

"I GOT IT!"

Everyone turned to Beast Boy.  He was sitting next to his giant empty bowl with his fork still in his hand.

            "Why don't," He started.  "You stay with us."

He looked at his friends, expecting enthusiastic approval, as if the genius of his idea spoke for itself.  When it appeared as if they were simply going to ignore him, he continued.

            "C'mon.  He still owes me a talk with Cy, and he can do our shopping for us!"

His friends all exchanged looks, as if they were actually considering it.  Raven was glaring at him.

            "I see no problem with it."  Said Cyborg, patting his stomach. "Long as he keeps coming out with these finger-lickin lamb entrees."

            "And there is much more I wish to learn about Earth parasites!" acquiesced Starfire enthusiastically.

Robin knew it was his turn to speak.  He turned uneasily to Raven.  She was standing with her arms crossed, glaring.  He became nervous as he looked at her.  She held his stare a moment longer than rolled her eyes and turned around silently to leave the room.  It wouldn't have been the first time her friends were not considerate of her.

            "I… don't see why not."  He said, defeated a third time.

With all other members in concurrence, all eyes turned to Raven's retreating cloak.  They waited for her to speak but she continued to walk.

            "Raven?"  Beseeched the timid voice of Patch.

She stopped and turned around only enough for her friends to see the side of her face.

            "Make yourself at home."  She said darkly.

She immediately turned away and continued into the shadows of the hallway.

**********[end chapter 5]**********

glad that's over. If you think reading it was boring just remember that it took you 20min to read it and me like 4 hours to write it! i was so uninterested that i got writers block several times...kinda like the way you can't bring yourself to write an essay on a stupid uninteresting book that you haven't even read cuz you spent too much time writing teen titan fiction? know what i mean? no? well, i do.


	6. The Dark Rose

So i had this revelation. Some people are good at writing emotional scenes. I'm not. But i Do have a gift for symbolism. So rather than trying to make this emotional, i instead focused on mood and symbolism. The finished product, while not really as immersive as i would prefer, actually sounds quite 'professional;' something i would expect to read in a highschool english class. The problem with relying on symbolism is that everything has to be perfect. Each simile/metaphor MUST be symbolic as well otherwise the poor reader won't know a real symbol when they see one or will mistake regular crap for symbolism. So that basically means that these types of chapters will take a LOONG ass time to write. s'fun though.

My goal with this chapter is to show that Raven is sick of fighting and subconsciously wishes to die, and also to make the reader hate Patch.

Also, i've read other fan fics and i find that usually when Raven is annoyed by someone's concern for her its because she is in love with them but won't admit it to herself (usually with Beast Boy of course). i will stress here that RAVEN DOES NOT SUBCONSCIOUSLY LOVE PATCH. Patch's feelings however, remain to be seen. all we know so far is that he is unusually vulnerable to her.

Btw, this chapter marks the beginning of the sexual tension which will define the romantic aspect of the story. Since sexual tension is indeed an even combination of Angst and Romance, im changing the genre back to Angst/Romance.

Chapter 6: The Dark Rose

The dim flickering light cast long dancing shadows in the grooves of the mangled willow branches.  It looked as if each dead branch had become half alive with hundreds of dark fingers that reached out and retracted as they fought to consume the lifeless shell of a tree completely.  The only sources of light were two lanterns hanging from the ceiling.  One was an inconspicuous solitary round ball, elongated slightly so that it looked like a dried flower bud, hollowed out to create a space for a lone candle.  Across the room hung the other, an intricate two-tiered beast of a lantern, which drew all attention to itself, away from the lonely sphere opposite it.  The top tier was a hollowed hemisphere with two giant horns on top and floor-pointing fangs on the bottom.  Hanging beneath it was a smaller pit which held a ring of upward pointing fangs surrounding a second candle.  The light of this candle shined up into the upper dome and reflected out of the eyes which had been bored into the beast's head.  All in all, the lantern had the look of an enraged demon about to swallow a candle in its fang-filled mouth.

And in between these antipodes was a sharp unfriendly deep violet pathway which leads to a rounded, low-rising bed, the only serene furnishing in a room full of aggressive angular corners.  Upon this bed lay Raven, sprawled on her back, staring up at the battle of light and dark which played itself out upon her dried willow branches.  Most would not wish to live in such a dark and horrific room but she had always been partial to such surroundings.  The outside world with its events and people was unpredictable and stirring in ways that rallied Raven's emotions to move against her.  In the dark she found solace in the constant void that wanted nothing more from her than to lull her into a numb oblivion, a place where she could truly be at rest.  The horrific was her ally as well; the adrenaline of fear had its own numbing effect and as such, she often felt more at peace in horrific surroundings than in any other more serene space.

She had decorated her room accordingly.  Of all places, only her room passively blocked her emotions for her, and allowed her to find actual sanctuary from her otherwise constant battle.  It was only in her room that she could ever achieve restful sleep.  This was why she had never let anyone inside.  To grant entrance to any outside entity would defile the sanctity of her final citadel.  It would only take the association of one or two strongly emotive memories to ruin the feel of the room completely.  After all, darkness is such that it flees from light.

As she watched her willow branches, she reflected on the night's meditation which she had just concluded not ten minutes ago.  She had finally recovered from the beating Anger and Despair had given her tonight.  It was all that fool's fault; he and his overpowering warmth had made her life hell for the past twenty four hours.  And now he will be staying here for who knows how long.  

His personality was irritating; the way he blended kindness with arrogance, as if he felt he was king of all humans and therefore had an obligation to care for his underlings.  More irritating was his capability of eliciting resentment and somehow finding a way to manipulate others into silent grudging tolerance.  She and Robin had both fallen victim to that gift.  And yet it always seemed as if he was only trying to help.  She had noticed this particularly in the way in which he treated her.  Just about every word he had spoken to her had been an offer to make her life easier.  Her continued politeness towards him had been largely due to that fact.  Then again, it was not unlikely that the act was all part of his 'grudging tolerance' gift.

His qualities were infuriating, yes, but the true reason she could not stand him, she realized, was that aura of warmth that followed him wherever he stood.  From her meditation, she had discovered that the warmth was joy, and he reeked of it.  Her absence of emotion of her own had left her with the gift of empathy.  She was used to being able to sense the emotions of others, particularly if they were strong, but she had never felt anything as strong as the joy which radiated from Patch.  It was as if his thin frame could not contain the wellspring and it overflowed out from his pores, his words, his movements…

…And those eyes.

She suddenly found herself faced again with his sparkling green soul stealers.  He was staring at her again, tugging at her will to carry on the fight that she had waged since birth.  What was it about his eyes that made her want to surrender herself to impulse, and abandon her resolve which had kept the universe alive thus far?  Was it that he himself seemed so carefree, even in his apparent concern for her 'toxemia?'  Was it that the joy which he imparted unto everything he looked at made her wish she was in such a position as to bask in it; or perhaps achieve it herself?  Or was it just that she so much wanted to destroy him for being everything that she could not?  Or was it simply that she wished to destroy the universe, whose continued existence was the very stake of her strife?

Whatever it was, she found his eyes to be an unwelcome haunting in the sanctity of her room.  She sat up and held her forehead in her palms.  As she swiveled her feet effortlessly off the bed, she thought back to the plight her muscles had suffered that morning and realized that Patch's damned fruit truly had helped to push the burden through.  The thought brought her back to that morning, when he was pleading with her, and it only served to strengthen the bright green image in her mind.

She stood up and walked to face her dresser mirror.  There she saw the familiar pale morbid face that she had become accustomed to seeing every morning.  It stood in stark contrast, her dull, lifeless complexion, to his bright sparkle.  Her ashy visage helped to ground her and she began feeling more like herself.  She soon noticed that she looked slightly paler and a bit closer to death than usual.  Her hair was a sweat encrusted mess and her listless eyes betrayed her exhaustion.  She noticed too that her cloak seemed to be clinging to her back.  It was still early so she decided she should take her shower tonight, lest the running water wake the others tomorrow morning and preclude her pre-dawn meditation.

She stared into the mirror a few moments longer to be sure his gaze had truly left her and then turned and walked the ten paces to her door.  Without looking, she reached for the console and lightly pressed an oversized button and the door zipped open.  

She promptly jumped back with a girlish yelp.  Standing in the doorway was Patch, with his left hand holding a tall glass of water and his right fist up in preparation for a knock.  Despite the abrupt meeting and Raven's frightened yelp, he did not seem startled.

            "You OK?"

His voice was soft and respectful.  He waited patiently for Raven to recover from her initial shock.

            "What are you doing here."

She was still shocked enough that her voice did not carry the menace she had intended.

            "I wanted to give you something."

Her initial jump had caused her to retreat far enough into her room that he had no trouble walking past her.  He apparently had no manners whatsoever.  She trembled with repressed anger as she watched him walk deeper into her room.

            "Today at the market, something caught my eye."

He put the glass on the dresser and it knocked softly, the only sound in the otherwise silent room.  He reached into his side pocket and spoke without facing her.

            "It reminded me of you."

He pulled out a cylinder of thick plastic wrap and began carefully unwrapping it where she couldn't see.  She was boiling.  _HE_ was in her room. She knew that if she spoke she would lose her temper and so she just stood there in silence and tried with all her will to calm herself down.  She closed her eyes and faced the ceiling as she consciously relaxed each muscle in her body.

            "I couldn't resist."  He continued, having finished unwrapping whatever it was he was unwrapping.  "I had to save it.  It would surely have been bought by some depraved necrophile only to be left to rot on a shelf once the novelty had faded."

Raven finally recovered enough to speak safely.

            "Aren't you noble."  She growled.

He turned finally and looked at her with a pinch of hurt.  Held delicately between his thumb and fingertips was a thin stem consummating in a lone dark blue rosebud.  He soon stretched his smile and chuckled.  He looked down at the bud and rotated it carefully with his fingers.

            "The shopkeeper wanted to strip the thorns but I felt it deserved to retain at least some of its dignity."

He looked up at her fondly and laughed a little harder than before.

            "Besides, what's a rose without thorns?"

His voice was full of benevolence and respect but she couldn't help but feel patronized.  He turned away from her again and mindfully placed the stem into the glass.  Raven grit her teeth and began to tremble again at his brashness and arrogance.

            "A rose knows what it wants, to be beautiful." He mused.  "To try and tame it only distracts it from its purpose."

He looked tenderly at the flower and affectionately stroked its bud.

            "Some ass decided to embalm this unborn rose with an infernal dye that represses its natural life processes."

His voice had become reflective and very gentle, as if he was talking to himself- or perhaps to the flower.

            "While most flowers reach their goal and wither gracefully, this one is now damned to remain in this state until the dye itself eventually suffocates it."

He began gently stroking the stem, weary of the thorns, as if he was amazed that the flower could stand on its own.

            "All the meddling in the world will not bring this flower back." 

He pulled his sack by the strap until it hung at his side.  He reached in and stared forlornly at the bud as he dug for something.

            "However, while the sleeping flower may not realize it, she is determined to break free of her dark restraint."

He produced a finger sized green vial and untwisted the cap slowly.

            "All we can do is ensure that she has the ideal environment…"

He poured a portion of the contents slowly into the glass.  The water glowed green.

            "…and everything she needs to blossom on her own."

He replaced the cap and set the vial down deliberately next to the glass, then turned to finally face her.  His expression was such that it seemed as if he was waiting for her to speak.  She was still in the same spot she had been in since he entered and she was fuming.  She realized finally what he had been up to all along- being extra helpful to her, showing her respect, trying to subjugate her, and now giving her a rose and reciting lame poetry.  He was trying to pick her up.  She felt Anger begin to claw at her chest from the inside out.  Was he really that stupid?  Doesn't he understand that she can't return affections of any kind?  All the suffering he had caused her had all been in the name of his hopeless fantasy!

She suddenly lost all anger and grabbed her head as she felt it split with pounding pain.  It felt as if she was having contractions in her brain.  She became completely exhausted all at once and had difficulty keeping her knees straight.  Something bulky built in her throat and wished to be squeezed out of her mouth but with what little bearings she had left she fought its escape.  She felt herself sway once to each side and then her knees buckled.  The world spun and her senses dulled but she never hit the ground, instead landing into a comforting sleep.  Her entire body was numb with warmth and her field of view was fluffy and white.  The white faded steadily to black but the warmth continued to increase.  She was floating and was very disoriented but she felt herself becoming more and more aware as each second passed, as the white was further reclaimed by darkness.

Finally, she realized her eyes were closed.  She struggled halfheartedly against the warm paralysis to awaken.  She finally found control of her eyes and opened them slowly.  The black which had been expanding in her vision was suddenly replaced by a bright vibrant green.  She realized that she was in his arms but in her dreamlike state she was not fully aware of the consequences.  For a moment she let his warmth cradle her and allowed herself to pretend she was a fairytale princess who had been swept off her feet and would never have to worry about anything again.

A familiar demonic stirring within her reminded her of who she really was.

            "IDIOT!"

In a rush of cold that began in her chest and quickly consumed her extremities, she exploded into full awareness.  She sprang from him by throwing all her newly found tension between them.  She saw his concerned face speed away from her for an instant until she impacted something and her vision flashed yellow, then went black.  Her head was spasming again but she fought hard this time to retain consciousness.  Her vision gradually returned and she saw him kneeling on the floor only three feet away from her.  He still wore the same expression of concern and had apparently not moved from where he caught her.  His smile was gone.

She realized that his eyes were on her again, more intently than ever before, and she was backed against the door frame.  She felt her anger begin to return.  She closed her eyes and focused on controlling her trembling.  When she was satisfied, she opened them slowly into a glare.

            "Get out."  She managed carefully, between clenched teeth.

He tortured her a moment longer then looked to the floor and sighed.  It was then that she noticed how he stood out as a neon green astral being against the dreary backdrop of her room.  He was a bright contagion to the dark essence of every possession of hers and the sooner he was out the better.  He stood up and spoke quietly.

            "Is there anything I can-"

            "NOW!!"  She screamed in a voice that was only half hers.

Several drawers flew out of her dresser and the aging globe beside her exploded into a cloud of dust.  There was silence as the dust settled gradually and the unlikely pair faced off in the dim flickering light, rage against concern, revoltion against devotion, darkness against light.

Patch looked to the ground and sighed quietly.  He kneeled and Raven heard the gentle tinkling of glass shards as he picked up the glass and the rose, both of which had somehow fallen since he had placed them on her dresser.  He placed the glass onto the dresser.  The mouth had been shattered but the sturdy base had survived intact.  He gingerly placed the bewitched flower into the glass and turned to face the door.  Raven looked down at the ground, eyes trembling with frustration, and waited for him to leave.  She heard his footsteps walking solemnly toward her.  It seemed as if he was in no hurry.  When he finally made it to where she was sitting, he stopped in the frame of the door and bent over, his hand reaching to the floor.  He set the vial down deliberately next to Raven, straightened, and left the room without a word.

Raven remained sitting against the door frame, looking in at her room.  She saw no reason to move.  Everywhere was overturned furniture and splintered wood.  Her dresser mirror was cracked and her books were scattered, some closed and some open, all over the floor.  Her two lanterns were swaying back and forth.  The round one was rocking gently, creaking as it moved.  The candle inside seemed to benefit from the aeration provided by the motion.  The elaborate one traced a wide spiral like a winding down tornado, as if it had been responsible for the mess beneath it.  With Patch's brightness gone, she finally noticed the strange shadow-play caused by the swinging candles.  Despite the action all around her, she felt a post-climactic loneliness.

With a thump she brought her head to rest on the door frame.  The brunt of her headache had left the room with Patch.  Such a foolish dreamer he was, and yet…

She suddenly became exhausted as she realized she can never experience romantic courtship.  Such fantasies are for those souls who are not damned.  She was above such infantile games anyway.  Romance is for those who wish futily that life is more beautiful than it truly is.   The desire for a mate is nothing more than the last resort of a fractured and frightened ego which needs to find justification for its very existence in the kind words of an infatuated and equally hopeless imbecile.  Such games are for psychotic idiots.  She knew who she was and didn't need any half-wit rose-colored flattery.

They're all hopeless, including him.  None of them can possibly understand her - they can't even define _themselves_ without referencing equally defective outside sources.  She was too different from all of them.  Patch was clever, sure, but such a strongly emotive person could never comprehend her.  It would be like trying to explain the desert to a goldfish; words fail completely and experience is more destructive than instructive.  He had made a valiant effort but the evil in her had pushed him away- and wrecked her room as well.

She was still in a state of partial disbelief at what had happened mere minutes ago.  Her room was a mess, as if by a natural disaster; her head ached dully in the aftermath of the spasms, much as a bell would continue to drone lightly from a long bygone striking.  Despite her weariness, she would have to meditate again before bed- she could not safely sleep in the shaken state she was in.

She stood up slowly, determined not to use the wall for support.  Besides the mess, her room had been defiled and the mood was tainted with brightness.  She picked her way carefully through the debris towards her bed.  Everything felt foreign, as if she was no longer home, but in some sort of alien dream world.  She stopped walking suddenly as she felt dark activity inside of her.  She closed her eyes and turned her focus inward to confirm her fear: Trigon was stirring with new found vigor.

He must have been further aroused when she had lost consciousness, or perhaps when she had yelled at Patch.  That meddling fool!  He was so grossly incompetent that he had only made her suffer more! And now in this critical period he would surely only agitate her further as he continued to stay here.  The time for tact was over.  As soon as she was clear-headed enough to face him she would have to tell him boldly and absolutely to leave and never come back.  In the mean time she would have to distance herself from the other idiots until the situation was under control. 

She tucked herself into a floating lotus right there in the ruins of her room and sought to study Trigon more closely.  As she had suspected, he was a swift learner; he was roused enough to invade both her angry and timid personalities, which had been becoming steadily more vulnerable to his influence everyday due to the increasing power of Anger and Despair, and yet he held back.  Apparently he remembered his previous defeat and decided to bide his time so that he may become more powerful from further emotional turbulence and invade multiple sides of her personality simultaneously.  For each that he commanded he would be that much more powerful with it and she that much weaker without it.

Feeling the immortal evil inside her, she opened her eyes and looked to the dark bulb sitting high and solitary upon its fragile thorny column.  She wondered if there truly was an entity within it which desired to break free of its curse.  It looked so morbid and still on the outside- could it really be so alive and tortured on the inside?  Throughout her life she had seen people take ill or go missing and always some desperate romantic would claim that a miracle could still alter fate; and yet, time and time again, these miracles failed to materialize.  Looking at the flower, she saw just another casualty of harsh reality.  She knew that no matter how hard anyone hoped, truth was not sympathetic.

The thought calmed her.  She was back in familiar territory and knew exactly how to proceed next.  She closed her eyes again, sought her center, and prepared herself for another beating.

**********[end of chapter 6]**********

Next time: Patch has to go, Samus beats JigglyPuff, Starfire wags her finger, Robin gives in to Starfire's panties and Raven almost loses her lunch.

Review Responses:

evil reviewer #4:

Wow, thanks for all that. I'm glad you appreciate my style and i agree that most of these fics are crap. I didn't notice, however anyone telling me my fic was crap. I personally don't like my style. It's not an issue of confidence, it's just that i tried to achieve a particular style and failed (even if the result is still something you happen to like). I don't think it's so much the fault of the reviewers as much as it's the fault of all the great fanfics i have read (there are alot of gems in the Chrono Cross section). Don't worry about me too much; the reviewers don't get to me cuz i've figured out their game. At first i had "Romance" as the genre and i got 2 or 3 reviews a day. Since i've changed it, i got a review every other day. It seems most readers don't come on for a story but rather to see their favorite character pairings happen. That's why i don't expect them to be happy with my story. Besides that, the reviewers don't really get to me cuz this story isn't for them- it's really written for Raven. I have a thing for tragic characters like hamlet, magus (chrono trigger), frankenstein, batman, etc so this story is really just my way of giving her a happy ending. in a way, im no better than the reviewers, using fiction as a way to see something happen that i will never see on TV, a happy ending for Raven.

And Cyborg bothers me too. I really find myself struggling to keep him in character and, like you, i can't quite put my finger on what im doing wrong. If you ever manage to get your finger on it, lemme know. And im very glad you dislike Patch. I was noticing a few reviewers liked him and i was wondering what the hell i was doing wrong. Thanks for the review; it was really encouraging and the most helpful thus far (as is your specialty).


	7. Uninvited

It would seem from the reviews that there's a general consensus that i have low self esteem. There were enough reviews telling me this that i actually went back and read all my author's notes to see where i gave off that impression. I have a few ideas of how i might have come off that way but that doesn't matter. Point is, i DON'T have low self esteem. I don't think i suck or that my writing sucks. I've also never (purposely) degraded myself. I think i have a pretty good idea where i stand.

I think the biggest thing people don't understand is why im dissatisfied with chapter 2. WintersIceAngel() pointed out that i have a gift for angst. The problem is, chapter 2 wasn't supposed to be angsty; it was supposed to be emotionally rousing. I was hoping to make something people read and start crying, not something they read and say "oh wow, that was really well written." It's like submitting a drawing of a horse into an art contest and then winning for my wonderful 'dog.'

To remedy this, from now on i'm going to act extra macho. I hereby order all of you to make me sandwiches. And when you're done you can wash my underwear.

Anyway, this chapter goes a little into the aftermath of Patch's intrusion and shows how Raven goes about getting rid of him. There's one part towards the end where Raven gets really pissed and starts having disgusting thoughts. I KNOW that this is out of character for her but at this point she's under major stress and her focus is terrible so these urges find their way to the surface.

On the same note, i tempered Cyborg a bit so those of you who thought him too intense in chapter 1, lemme know how he's doing now.

So anyway, i really have to start on all those semester projects assigned back in september cuz they're all due this week. So read this chapter slowly- you're going to have to make it last till around christmas.

Anyone else notice that my author's notes are longer than most peoples' chapters? I don't usually talk that much; must be the anonymity of the internet at work. Oh shit there i go again...

Chapter 7: Uninvited

By the height of the wax in her candles, Raven judged it to be sometime early evening, the time she had been waiting for.  All day and all of the night before, she had been trying vainly to find restful sleep but it had eluded her stubbornly.  Shortly after Patch had left her, she had begun to arrange her furniture to its original set-up, but she soon found that there was enough damage to her belongings and even to her walls that her room could never look itself again.  Her decorative column was split near its bottom so that it tipped over and lay prone on the ground, her jars of incense and sage had been thrown to the ground and smashed, fully baring their contents, and her dresser drawer, which lay across the room, had been split down the middle of its dark face leaving her exposed undergarments to be covered in the dust which was once her antique globe.  All in all, her room had been utterly altered, and Raven detested change of any kind, let alone to her own private quarters.

What sleep she managed to seize had quickly thrown her off with emotive dreams and nightmares, mostly recounts of her recent trauma.  It seemed her mind was very much troubled by the events of that night, and she was forced to alternate between restless sleep and meditation so that her emotions don't get the best of her.  Her methods had succeeded in preventing further demonic arousal but the routine was grueling and not very restful.  Perhaps she would have had better luck in an environment not so tainted with brightness but she had been forced to stay in her room until now, so that she could avoid Patch until the perfect moment.

And that moment had arrived.  By this point, dinner must have long since concluded so she wouldn't have to perform in front of a table of her fellow Titans, who would surely have something to say about her rudeness in uninviting their guest.  This was also the time of day when everyone would be off doing their own thing- Robin in the weight room or the forensic lab, Starfire authoring transmissions in her room, and the other two playing their obnoxious video games, oblivious to anything that should happen in the real world.  By the occasional shouts of triumph or defeat coming from the console room, she could tell that at least those two were already occupied.

Deciding the time was right and she was as ready as she could be, she stood from her lotus position in front of her bed.  She almost blacked out and stumbled backwards, ending up sitting on her bed with both hands behind her for support and her expression dazed.  Having spent almost twenty-four hours either sitting or laying, she had not noticed how weak her fast had made her.  She realized that the burden from Mad Cow's had already left her- the fast was a success.  She decided she would break it tomorrow morning.

She got back up again, slowly to avoid another head-rush.  She stood still a moment to allow her circulation to adjust for standing, then proceeded to her door and exited her room.  As her door locked behind her, she faintly heard Cyborg and Beast Boy's video game from the console room.  The volume was unusually low.  She could usually hear it from her room by this time of night.  She didn't ponder this for long and turned to proceed to the bathroom to get a much needed drink of water and release a day's worth of bladder pressure.

***

Several minutes later, she approached the entrance to the console room.  Cyborg and Beast Boy were playing their video game at reduced volume and apparently were deep in discussion.  Raven listened from the shadows of the hallway.

            "And those things are _in_ you dude," came Beast Boy's voice, with restrained enthusiasm.  "Like, in your thymus and brain and stuff!"

            "So watcha sayin is…" Responded Cyborg, apparently not nearly as serious as Beast Boy. "It don't matter what I eat cuz I'm already crawlin with bugs anyhow."

            "Well, yea… but… um…Patch?"

Patch?

            "The true danger is not in exposure but in providing a hospitable environment."

His voice was naturally soft but he appeared to be almost whispering.  If Patch was in conversation with Cyborg and Beast Boy, she would be met with much resistance, especially from Beast Boy.  She decided it would be best to wait it out and catch Patch when he separated for whatever reason.  She leaned against the wall, well in the shadows and tuned back in to listen for her chance.

            "A problematic level of infestation can't be sustained without an abun-"

*Bang Pow*

            "Ha Haaa!"  Shouted Cyborg.  "EAT IT ya marshmellowy piece of crap!"

Beast Boy growled.

            "Cyborg, hush." Commanded Patch gently as if it had become routine.

            "Oh right.  Sorry." Came Cyborg, speaking quietly again.  "You were sayin…"

            "They can't live in you without a source of food."

            "Like meat!"  added Beast Boy, taking over for Patch."

            "Actually," Came another, higher pitched voice.  "Parasites enjoy all manner of dead organic material."

Starfire!?

            "Umm…like meat?"  Persisted Beast Boy.

            "Starfire, I'm impressed with your memory."  Patch commended as if he were a school teacher.

            "Truthfully, it is the way of Parasites on my planet as well."

            "It would seem that certain aspects of evolution are universal.  I'd be interested to hear-"

            "C'mon guys," Beast Boy whined.  "Stay on-"

*Zap Thwack*

            "HEY!  Waay cheap!"

            "Better keep your fuzzy green head in the game B."  Mocked Cyborg.

            "Beast Boy, control your outbursts."  Reprimanded Patch.  By the tone of his voice, this was apparently not the first time he's had to quiet Beast Boy.

            "Dude, you're starting to _sound_ like her."  Beast Boy protested.

            "Naw, if Raven was here, you'd be spin-kicked into the wall before you even figured out what she called you."  Corrected Cyborg.

            "Tell me about it.  I still have a bruise from last week.  And what _is a dolt anyway?"_

It was true.  Even before Patch had arrived to make her life miserable she had been becoming increasingly mopey and violent.  It seemed that no matter how hard she trained and how strictly she kept her routine, she was slowly losing the battle.

Her thoughts were interrupted when she felt a presence and heard footsteps coming from the hall behind her.  She listened intently and recognized them as Robin's- she was cornered.  What blasted timing!  Not about to be caught snooping around, she decided she had no choice but to step into the console room and hope for the best.  She shifted her full weight back onto her feet and quietly slipped around the corner into the console room.  She saw the four of them on the couch, Starfire closest to her but facing the other way, and the other three with their heads turned towards the screen.  Judging by Cyborg's victory pose and Beast Boy's grumbling, the game had just been decided.

            "Shoulda known better than to stand so close to the edge when Samus is in the house."  Boasted Cyborg, pumping his controller over his head victoriously.

            "Man that spinny crap is cheap."  Griped Beast Boy.  "I want a rematch."

            "Hey Patch, you want in?"

            "Nah, let Beast Boy have his rematch."

            "You sure?  It's four players?"

Robin's footsteps had become much closer now.  She sensed that he was deep in thought, probably returning from the lab or the study.  Perhaps he would walk right past her and not even notice she was there.

            "So then, all four of us could play simultaneously?"  Asked Patch.

Cyborg and Beast Boy looked at each other, then to the floor.  There was an awkward pause.  Starfire spoke.

            "The boys don't let me play."  Said Starfire, a little embarrassed.

Patch looked to Cyborg and Beast Boy to find them both looking at the floor.  Beast Boy looked up at him from one eye.

            "Umm… you know sweaty controller syndrome?"

Patch stared for a moment as if trying to remember something.  Robin was only several yards from the threshold.

            "Yes.  Yes of course."

            "Well…"

            "She melts controllers, man." Cyborg finished for him solemnly.

Patch looked to Starfire questioningly.  She put her hand behind her head and blushed in embarrassment.

            "The video games elicit much righteous fury."  She admitted sheepishly.

It was at this point that Robin entered the room, his eyes on the floor ahead of him and his hand on his chin.  Raven watched him walk right past her.  It seemed she was in the clear when all of a sudden he stopped walking.  Damn.  He turned around slowly and looked at her, surprising her with a concerned expression.

            "Hey Raven.  Glad to see you're awake."

She grit her teeth and cringed as she heard Starfire squeal from the couch.

            "Raven!"

She actually heard the remaining three swivel their bodies to face her. She opened one eye and looked to the couch to see all eyes on her.  Starfire was floating towards her, apparently being pulled forward by her chest.

            "We were so worried about you."  She said, wrapping Raven in a discomforting embrace.

            "You were in there all day."  Said Cyborg from the couch.

            "Is something wrong girlfriend?"  asked Beast Boy.

Patch was sitting next to Beast Boy.  He wore a look as if he knew he was wrong and was prepared to face the consequences, like a child caught standing next to a broken lamp with a football in his hand.

Raven was pleasantly surprised at the concern her friends showed her.  Perhaps they wouldn't fight her decision after all- maybe they would understand, or support her even.  They did seem eager to help her out in anyway they could.  Either way, she knew that it was now or never.  She chose her words carefully.

            "Actually… there is"

Everyone looked to her expectantly.  Beast Boy in particular was visibly startled she would actually share her feelings in response to his question.  She raised her arm out of her cloak and pointed a finger at Patch.

            "You have to go."

He looked at her with resignation.  He nodded once and then stood up, his lips somewhat squeezed together.  His sack was already in his hand.  Everyone was looking at him in silence, wondering how he would ultimately react.  Raven did not lower her arm until he had half-heartedly swung the sack over his shoulder.  He looked at her defeated.

            "So that's it huh?"

She almost answered but decided against it.  She knew if he pulled her into an exchange of words he would find some way to turn everyone against her.  She could not afford to be foiled now, not when she was so close to being rid of him.  She stared at him in defiant silence and raised her arm again to point to the door.

He looked down.  After a moment, his mouth curled into a slight grin.

            "Of course."  He said quietly without looking up.

He turned around to walk around the couch and then proceeded towards the door, avoiding everyone's eye contact the entire trip.

            "Where do you think you're going!?" Beast Boy called after him.  "We still have to-"

Patch interrupted him without turning around or stopping.

            "Some other time."

            "BUT-"

            "I'll be sure to contact you once I'm permanently situated."

His voice was soft, level and assuring and even carried a hint of pep.  He continued to walk towards the door.  Beast Boy, refusing to give up, ran after him.

            "Just wait a sec."          

 He grabbed his shoulder, forcing him to stop.  They were ten paces to the door.

            "Just hang on, maybe we can reason with her."

Patch turned his head but not enough to show anyone his face.

            "She knows what she wants."  He said solemnly.  "You've gone your whole life without knowing me.  Surely you can wait patiently for a few more months."

He finished with a weak arrogant laugh.  He raised his hand and gently brushed Beast Boy off his shoulder, then exited the room.

Everyone was looking at Beast Boy's back.  His spirits were crushed and his posture sagged.  After a short silence he slowly tensed and rose back up to his full height.  He turned and everyone could tell he was angry.  His fists were extended to the ground and his shoulders were hunched forward comically.  He looked up at Raven with rage in his eyes.

            "Is this your way of getting _back_ at me for all the times I _annoyed you!?"_

Raven felt Beast Boy's rage wash over her like a wave.  In her over-tired condition, it was enough to aggravate her own temper.

            "He disrupts my focus in ways you can't fathom.  You are acting like a selfish child."  She scolded sharply.

            "_I'm selfish?!"  He retorted, his anger increasing.  "Uh uh.  Noo Way.  _You're_ the one who just took away _my_ friend, and after he was so nice to you!"_

She continued to be bombarded by Beast Boy's anger.  She was making a huge effort to control herself.

            "What do _you know about how he treated me."_

            "WHAT DO _YOU KNOW?!  _You're_ always on the roof or in your room or just otherwise being little miss anti-social!"_

Raven could not believe the crap she was hearing.  She took a moment to close her eyes and breathe deeply before she lost her temper.  Beast Boy took the opportunity to continue.

            "He made you _food_!  He made us all be extra quiet so _you could focus!  He even boiled you're __stupid tea kettle!"_

Raven snapped out of her anger management exercise and found Beast Boy staring angrily at her, apparently having just used his right index finger to count to three on his left hand.  She thought back to her tea kettle that morning.  For a moment, all anger left her and she wasn't sure what to think.  She looked to Cyborg for verification.

            "And he did keep Starfire busy so she wouldn't bother you."  Added Cyborg.

She turned to look at Starfire.  Damn it.  It was true- she _had_ been spared all interruption ever since he had arrived.  Starfire looked back at her and wagged her finger sternly.

            "And he reprimanded Beast Boy each time he accused you of the PMS."

She continued to look at Starfire in shock.  He had done all of this behind her back?  She suddenly felt her fury return.  Blasted fool!  Even though she avoided a final dialogue with him he _still managed to turn them all against her!  Suddenly Robin popped up in her view.  He had a brave look on his face, as if he were- of course… she must have been glaring at Starfire again.  But Robin, he must surely understand what she's going through.  After all, Patch had done the same thing to him yesterday afternoon.  She looked to him with a gaze that demanded an answer._

            "Have you something to add."

She purposely put him on the spot.  She knew how he felt about Patch staying at the tower and she wasn't going to let him chicken out of this one.

            "…Terrorist."

The intensity of her stare caused him to step back a little.  He bumped lightly into Starfire and looked up at her.  She wore an uncharacteristically stern look that didn't quite suit her.  Raven saw his expression change several times and could easily read his thoughts.  He looked at her nervously and spoke.

            "Well, you _could have been a little nicer about it."_

Raven grit her teeth and punished him with the scariest glare she could safely muster.  She was absolutely disgusted with his weakness for a pretty face.  If she scoffed at romance before she despised it now.  What happened to his uprightness?  Where are his beloved ideals now?  She had expected more from Robin but it seemed as if he was just as defective as the rest.  Apparently, getting into Starfire's panties was more important to him than integrity.

            "You make me sick." She pushed through gritted teeth.

All her friends were obviously against her.  The betrayal she felt made her truly sick to her stomach.  She shook with restrained rage and decided she had to get out of there before her head exploded or she did something regrettable.  She began levitating slowly up towards the ceiling.  All her 'friends' looked up at her as she floated.  Looking down, she saw that Robin looked hurt.  He knew he had been tested and he knew he had failed.  For a moment, she actually considered vomiting on him but fought the urge, deciding it would be better to leave without further incident.  With that thought her head passed through the ceiling, the rest of her following soon after.  The silence didn't last long.

            "There she goes again."  Said Cyborg unenthusiastically.  "Out of her room and up to the roof."

            "I can't believe how much we let her get away with."  Started Beast Boy self-righteously.  "She thinks that just because she has a temper, she can walk all over us.

He regained his anger and began ranting.

            "She thinks she doesn't have to explain herself just because she's _different.  And after all those times we've been there for her!  And do you realize that she _still_, after all this time, has not laughed at a single one of my jokes!_

            "I still do not understand why she was so upset with Patch."  Mused Starfire, almost to herself.

            "Because she's totally PMSing!"  Beast Boy shouted at Starfire.

            "Woa hey, calm down Beast Boy."  Robin intervened.  "If Raven doesn't want Patch around I'm sure she has a reason."

            "Yea!  Sure!  Just like she had a _reason to blow up our table!  And a _reason_ to punt me around like her own personal football!"_

            "Yea."  Concurred Cyborg, scratching his head.  "She has been a bit violent lately."

            "I'm telling you dude, it's because we let her get away with it!"

            "Actually," Started Robin.  "I guess we could have been a little more supportive."

His comment was out of place in the conversation and it drew everyone's attention to him.  He was feeling guilty about selling out earlier and wished to redeem himself, even subliminally.

            "I mean… Did anyone even bother to ask why?"

There was silence as everyone considered this.  Even Beast Boy had to admit that he hadn't even made an attempt to understand.

            "You are right Robin."  Said Starfire, beginning to glide towards the door.  "We must go and-"

Robin grabbed her wrist gently and brought her to a stop.

            "No….I'll go….later…..after she's calmed down."  He said nervously.

Everyone looked at him.  He wasn't acting himself and he knew it.  He eagerly changed the topic.

            "In the mean time, I've done some research on the terrorists."

He walked towards the console and motioned for the others to follow him.

***

It was not until after several hours that his waiting was rewarded.  The front door of the darkened console room zipped open with the sound of quickly escaping air and Raven's figure could be seen against the emergency hallway lights.  She did not hesitate but rather walked right in and made her way for the hallway.  From the way she was walking, Robin noticed she looked weak.  He stood up from the remaining bench and table set, where he had been sitting for the past four hours gathering his courage and called out to her in his bravest, most suave voice.

            "Evening Raven."

She continued to walk, not even turning to look in his direction, as if she was not at all surprised he was there.

            "Robin."  She acknowledged coldly.

Robin realized she wasn't going to stop on her own and so he rushed over to her.

            "Hey, wait."  He called out boyishly like the only kid without a bike.

She finally stopped walking but refused to turn her head.  Seeing her gesture of cooperation, he slowed his dash to a brisk walk.  As he approached her in the dim light, he noticed that her eyes were bloodshot and her face sticky; her hair was wet and she seemed as if she was making an effort to stand.  This caused him to stop a distance from her, as if she would attack him for seeing her in her weakened state.

            "Are you…feeling Okay?"  He stammered.  "You don't look so good."

            "I'm Tired."  She scolded, making abrupt eye contact.  "Is that what you stayed up to tell me."

Robin realized that she was especially not in the mood for conversation.  But he had waited there for four hours and he really wanted to apologize.  Not only that but he wasn't sure if he would ever be this courageous again any time soon.

            "Well…uhh….i mean, no."  He said rubbing the back of his head.

Raven stared at him, waiting.

            "Umm…" He continued.

Raven rolled her eyes and sighed.  She took over for him.

            "Would you like to sit down."

Robin didn't respond right away.

            "Uhh… yea" He managed sheepishly.

He followed her to the table, the best lit area in the room at the time.  Her walk was steady and even, very controlled.  They arrived and she, of course, chose the darkest seat.  He chose his seat carefully, feeling that he might be less nervous if he could avoid her eyes as he spoke.  He cleared his throat.

            "Well…"

Come on Robin, do what you gotta do.

            "I…uhh…wanted to tell you…."

Now's the time.  Can't back out now.

            "I…"  He hesitated.

Suddenly his voice became more confident.

            "Wanted to tell you what I discovered about the terrorists."

Stupid!  He looked to her to see how she accepted his words.  She was sitting straight up, without using the table for support, her expression unreadable as usual.  He continued, his voice carrying the confidence of a leader.

            "They call themselves the Emissaries of Artemis.  They don't have any official demands but for almost two decades, they've been using scare tactics to disrupt animal related business, mainly in food production.  Their tactics include bombings and contamination in areas of high density production, and get this- their membership consists almost entirely of vegetarian teenage runaways, mostly girls."

He paused for dramatic effect.  He had completely forgotten about his apology and had fully assumed the role of detective.

            "They're a nation-wide organization, with cells all over the country.  The cells have been known to work together sometimes but there _doesn't seem _to be any sort of central-"

            "Robin."  Interrupted Raven sternly.

Her tone of voice yanked Robin out of his detective mode and made him feel like a kid again.  He was suddenly immersed in the feeling he had always gotten when Batman had scolded him for getting ahead of himself or jumping to conclusions.

            "What did you _really_ wish to tell me."

He looked at her in shock for a moment.  Finally, he came back to the present moment and remembered where he was and what he was doing.

            "Oh…I….uhh."

The momentum of talking had brought his confidence up.  He shifted his weight, raised one hand to the side of his face and leaned on that elbow for support.  He was ready.  Looking at the table, he finished his sentence with uncharacteristic quietness.

            "…Wanted to say I'm sorry."

The sound of his own voice left him cold with fear.  He wished to gauge her reaction but couldn't bring himself to look up from the table.  He decided it would be best to simply continue.

            "I know what it's like to have to fight against my friends, and-"

            "You know nothing."

Robin looked up at her stunned.  Despite his earlier nervousness, he never truly expected to be shot down.  She was looking down at the same spot on the table his eyes had just left.  He waited for her to speak but she didn't- just continued to stare downward.  She really had been changing.  He decided he would try a different approach.  He stared at his spot again and spoke.

            "Well... We're your friends.  A-and we're here for you…….Sooo……if you need anything, just-"

            "I need…" She interrupted flatly.  "To be left alone for a while."

Robin's initial stun at the interruption was soon replaced with discouragement at Raven's lack of cooperation.  He dropped his forearm down to the table and sighed, defeated.  He stood up and was about to walk to bed when she spoke.

            "I don't expect you to understand."

He paused and looked down at her to find her still staring at the table.  She had caught him by surprise with her elaboration.

            "But if you truly want to help me, you'll leave me alone."

**********[end chapter 7]**********

Anyone who was confused by Patch's behavior, he made a reference to chapter 6 that gives you an idea of what he was thinking.

Next chapter: Beast Boy mania.

Reviewer Responses:

WintersIceAngel() and Associated Muse:

Hope you don't mind me using part of your review slightly out of context for my author's note. Thanks for the encouragement but you've obviously never read Poe, a master of symbolism. It's interesting however that you mention him because this story was very much inspired by The Pit and the Pendulum, the short story Raven was deciphering in chapter 3. That story is also about death, rebirth and peak experience, but it is much more condensed (such is the power of well developed symbolism). It will be referenced again and somewhat summarized 3 or 4 chapters from now. Raven will actually spend the rest of the story analyzing it, directly or indirectly.

Raven's death wish is in a Zen/Freudian sense. Zen buddhism sees death as loss, particularly (but not limited to) one's sense of self. Basically, the way one dies in zen buddhism is by losing their identity and becoming part of the whole. The "death-drive" as Freud calls it, seeks to destroy everything and attain a state of nothingness. It's the opposing force to the "pleasure seeking principle," which always seeks to acquire more and more (excitement, order, progress). It's a desire to "re-establish a state of things that was disturbed by the emergence of life;" (Freud 709) in other words, to seek a state of desolation, calm, and eternal sleep.

You can see this subconscious desire if you look at the things Raven likes (darkness, stagnation, calm, never having to worry about anything again, etc). Her lack of incentive in life (she is unable to fully enjoy things and must fight a constant inner battle) perverts her pleasure seeking principle to drive her to die. Death is her pleasure, her goal. We see this with her actions in general. Her favorite time of day is the peace and nothingness of meditation; she constantly strives to attain quiet; she generally avoids interaction with others (according to Freud, seeking relationships is the ultimate expression of the pleasure seeking principle), etc. I'm sure there's more you can come up with but i hope i've said enough to help you understand. If you're not satisfied i once wrote a five pager for english class on Freud's theory (it's part of a ten pager on how the Surrealist movement borrowed from Freud but the first five are strictly about Freud, never even mentioning surrealism). I can email it to you if the above is unsatisfying.

Lisboa Miraflores (signed as: victim, blue chips):

My response is long as has been emailed to you. If you haven't gotten it by now, lemme know.

Veral42():

Ok, fine, but only if you kill off Beast Boy in your fic and make it more of a Ben Afleck x Raven.

Kishi:

I don't call myself a christian because i don't go to church or anything like that. Like you said, it's all about understanding and i find i learn the most when i suffer through my own interpretations (and suffer the mistakes firsthand of my misinterpretations). And anyway, i've yet to find any orthodox christian who is willing to read the gospels which the Church used to execute people for reading. Given my bad experience with the competence of priests, i don't trust a committee of old men from the dark ages to choose which gospels are true enough for me to read and which are blasphemous. I actually learned more from the dead sea scrolls than all the canonical gospels combined. I must admit though, alot of the time i think i'm all smart and learned something profound and then i realize them priests have been trying to tell me the same thing all along. I guess some people learn from getting taught and some people need to suffer a bit more. Hell, i've learned ALOT about writing from actually doing this story. And about Cyborg, the only time he's all annoying about his meat is when he finally, after weeks and weeks of trying, manages to defeat Beast Boy in choosing a restaurant. Perhaps i made him a little too boastful though. And it seems you've stumbled upon my evil plan: to build the story up to a climactic cliffhanger and then abandon it. muahahaha!

A. Reader()

Well, i was kinda hoping everyone would dislike Patch at this point so they would feel for Raven (much of her turmoil is from the fact that her friends DO like Patch and don't understand her plight) but it doesn't really matter cuz in truth, Patch isn't such a bad guy....just...annoying. I've decided its better that some people identify with Raven and some with Patch because the two DO share one thing in common: they are both very smug about the way they've come to view the world and they both are going to have their worlds shattered. Perhaps people's choice is based on which character they find the most of themselves in and that's EXCELLENT if these characters are going to learn stuff cuz the readers will be able to see themselves in the same situation and perhaps (best case scenario) actually question them_selves_.


	8. Hopes, Dreams

Welcome back. As a reward for finishing all your finals and holiday shopping, you get this huge mother of a chapter. Most of my other chapters have been 3 to 4 thousand words long. This one is over 10 thousand!

This is Beast Boy's chapter. Its the first one where we get an idea of what's going on in Beast Boy's head. We learn what are his Hopes and Dreams and then find out how he goes about his Reality. I tried to keep it in his perspective as much as possible but i sometimes felt the need to switch perspectives for the sake of excitement. We also will see here reference to Beast Boy's past. I didn't make any of it up- its all from the comics

So now that i've tried comedy, melodrama, action, and symbolism, i'm trying out new literary devices. This chapter is gonna start off with regular action but then that will lead into to a section based on imagery, and then the entire second half is gonna be all about mood.

But before we begin, i must issue a disclaimer. This chapter contains GRAPHIC sexual imagery. Call it a twisted sort of lemon (and i aint talking about no citrus drinks either). This first part is viciously Freudian and i think the censors would give it an NC-17. So if anyone between the ages of 13 and 16 sees something here that they feel they are too young to be reading, let me know and i'll change the rating. Also, if you're not familiar with Freud, please don't flame me for this chapter. I assure you everything is here for a reason and not just to appease perverted minds. 

And one more thing. If this chapter doesn't show up right on anyone's browser because it's too damn long, let me know and i'll split it into two chapters.

Addendum: The original long chapter didn't work on everyone's computer so it's been split into two chapters. Even though it is split, it is still meant to be read as a single chapter. I even split the original chapter title so that each half is labeled correctly.

Chapter 8: Hopes, Dreams...

Robin stood atop the building, his soot-covered face contorted in fearsome determination, his martial arts body heaving and poised for action.  Opposite him, rising from the street below, his gargantuan foe narrowed its gaze at him in the moon light with emotionless red eyes.  The beast drew back its house-sized head, its fang filled mouth open, and Robin felt his feet slip out from under him as the wind started up from behind him.

It had been only days since the meteor had landed in the Pacific and already four American cities had been reduced to rubble by the monsters which seem to have traveled to Earth with the meteor.  Protozoids, the scientists called them- 30 story tall fire-breathing carnivores, covered head to toe with impenetrable scale armor.  The aliens learned quickly that the easiest way to get a meal was to create chaos in a city and scoop up the charred remains of panicked urbanites from the streets-

And this one looked hungry for Robin.

Robin held on to a boiler exhaust for dear life as the protozoid sucked in a vicious wind.  He released from his grasp several timed explosives and allowed the beast to inhale them.  Robin tightened his grip on the exhaust and counted.

3…

He noticed the wind begin to subside as the monster's diaphragm approached its limit.

2…

The wind stopped and the giant's open jaws lurched forward to deliver its fiery deathblow.  Robin grit his teeth.

            "Sure hope this works."

1…

A series of blasts could be heard from the creature's throat.  It seemed to pause for a moment and then the earth shook and rumbled as the giant took a stumbling step backward, its mouth open and pointing to the sky.  Robin grinned and loosened his bite slightly.  Apparently these things weren't invincible!  It stumbled into the building across the avenue, causing that face of it to crumble to the streets below.

            "That's it!" Robin exclaimed into his T-radio.  "The mouth!  Go for the-"

His voice was eclipsed as his gargantuan foe fully regained its balanced and let out a roaring blaze in his direction all in one movement, lighting up the entire block and creating huge long shadows which flickered violently.  Robin ducked and shielded himself with his cape but that was the last anyone saw of him as he was engulfed in flames.

            "Robin!"  Called Starfire from the five story high pile of rubble that was once a residential high rise.

Cyborg looked up at her from the ground.  He was covered in rubble and broken glass to his neck.

            "Go help him out.  I'll dig myself out.  And Raven."

Starfire gave him a nod, and took off after Robin, her eyes green with fury.  She flew towards the giant with all the speed she could muster, charging a starbolt in her hand.  When she was satisfied with its intensity, she let it go with a curt battle cry.

Her shot landed on the end of the monster's snout but to her obvious disappointment the behemoth didn't even acknowledge her.  The beast's flame finally dissipated of its own accord and Starfire rushed to the edge of Robin's building.  She looked to the place she had last seen Robin- there was nothing there but a road-sized strip of soot.  Starfire gasped as her heart sank.

            "Robin?" She ventured meekly.

She heard a dry cough and saw the blackened edge of the building stir as if alive.  Robin threw his cape off of him and stood up with difficulty from his crouching position.  He had taken cover behind the concrete hoarding around the edge of the building and had thrown up his cape to shield him from the heat.  Nevertheless, his face was badly burned and some of hair had been singed off.  Starfire put her hands together with glee as the saw Robin stand fully upright and cough out a puff of smoke.  Then she felt a wind from behind him and gasped as she saw his eyes widen in fear.

She turned to see a giant open mouth, sucking in air.  She turned to fly to Robin to save him from another attack but found him holding his exhaust pipe again and herself unable to fly upwind.  She closed her eyes and screamed as she felt herself being slowly sucked in.  She suddenly felt an abrubt force pushing skyward on her waist.  She doubled over and opened her eyes to see the building rush away from her.  The wind left her skin and ears all at once and she saw the horn on the tip of the monster's snout appear in the bottom of her field of view.  She was above its mouth!

She finally came to rest well above danger.  Robin set her down next to the giant horn which jutted from the top of the monster's head.  His grappling cable was wrapped around the horn, which was nearly three times his size and as thick as a Volkswagen.

            "Robin, I wish to-"

She finished her sentence with a yell as the giant head upon which they stood lunged to spit flames, throwing her forward.  Her fear stricken face danced with shadows as she sailed over the inferno, screaming the entire way.  Robin held tightly to his grapping gun as he watched Starfire crash through a window across the street behind the building the protozoid was burning.  His face was alive with the same shadows and he could feel the heat of the monster's fire breath from where he was hanging.

He lowered himself to the side of the protozoid's head, just behind his left eye.  He repelled himself with his feet until he landed on the beast's forehead, his boots inches from the inner corner of a giant eye as wide as he was tall.  The tall black pupil traversed the bright red background and stopped facing Robin.  It dilated grotesquely.  Robin smirked.

            "Now you see me…"

He whipped out his attack rod with his free hand and decompressed it.

            "Now you DON'T!"

On his last word he thrust the end of his bo through the tire-sized lens.  The protozoid threw its head back and let out a thunderous roar that shook the entire city, finishing off semi-destroyed structures and shattering any glass that remained in pane.  The creature had no eyelids so the rod just stuck fast against its eye-socket as the monster tried to roll its eyes into its head for protection.  It jerked its head like only a reptile could, trying to shake off Robin, who despite his burns and temporary deafness, held on ferociously.

The protozoid soon gave up shaking.  Robin held onto his grappling gun with one hand and his attack rod with the other, hanging between them utterly exhausted.  The pause in the action caused him to look up wearily.  He felt the giant head turn slightly and then opened his eyes wide with horror as he saw a gigantic clawed hand fly towards him.  He instinctively released his attack rod and let his grapping gun swing him to safety- but it was useless.  The range of motion offered him by the rope was no where near enough to escape the gigantic hand.

He was swatted full on and flew limply downward towards the street below.  Halfway through his fall he was surrounded with black energy and decelerated, gradually coming to rest near Raven's feet.  Her eyes faded to their usual lifelessness and she shifted her gaze downward to get a look at him.  He was very burnt and completely limp.

            "He's alive."  She said to Cyborg.  "And he's found a weakness."

She took off leaving an unconscious Robin and a badly damaged Cyborg.  Cyborg watched her go and then went back to repairing his sonic cannon.  One of his legs was hopelessly mangled.

Raven levitated up to get a visual fix on Robin's attack rod, still sticking out of the protozoid's left eye.  She spotted it and focused.  Her eyes glowed white and her hands went out in front of her forming black orbs.  Robin's bo was surrounded in the same dark energy and began working its way slowly into the creature's skull.

The protozoid started jerking its head again, flailing its arms and roaring in frustration.  Its giant claws crashed through buildings, crumbling concrete and steal alike.  With all the movement, Raven couldn't follow the rod and certainly couldn't direct it where she wanted it to go.

Realizing that the pain had subsided, the protozoid stopped thrashing and looked up to see Raven floating in its view.  It narrowed its eyes, retracted its head, and charged her open mouthed, its feet pounding somewhere in the concrete dust which had formed to blanket the roadway below.  Raven took the opportunity to sight the rod and push it in again but in doing so had not noticed the ominous wind which picked up from behind her.

She continued to push in the rod but the beast did not seem to react to the pain.  It was too much into the momentum of its attack to afford any other movement.  It crashed through the street a few more steps then finally leaned backwards and dug its heels into the pavement.  With a forward lunge of its torso and head it released a full breath of flame at Raven.

Raven watched the fire rush towards her, appearing much like a flower from hell blossoming to consume her field of view.  She instinctively crossed her hands in front of her and surrounded herself in a sphere of dark energy.  If only someone could fly in there and push that rod in while he was occupied.  Damnit, where was Beast Boy when you needed him?

She watched as the flames spread over her sphere.  Waves of fire began from a wandering center point and traveled outward and around her.  Finally, the firestorm had ended and she let down her shield to concentrate on the rod again.  The monsters head turned slowly away from her and then quickly back towards her.  She realized the aim of this movement only too late.  The moonlight above her was eclipsed and she looked up to see a giant clawed hand racing down for her.  She made her body horizontal and flew as quickly as she could to get out of the way but she didn't quite make it.  She felt the giant hand sock the back of her calves and suddenly the world became a blur.  She was conscious but she was spinning wildly, unable to tell which way was up.  She stopped trying to levitate and decided there was nothing left to do but wait and hope she didn't land on her head.

What happened next surprised her.  She suddenly felt something squishy wrap around her middle and tug.  She abrupt stop caused her to lose all her breath in a dry _oof.  She bounced up a little bit and then sagged back down again, doubled over against the tentacle.  It began to swing her.  She looked up and saw a green octopus wrapped around the scaffolding at the bottom of a billboard.  She wasn't sure but, she thought she saw it smile at her.  Beast Boy!_

With one more swing, she was tossed into a window, the glass of which had long since been shattered.  She landed in the dark disheveled office and fell to her knees and hands wheezing.  She had lost her breath both from fear and from getting the wind knocked out of her by her green savior.  She heard Beast Boy transform behind her.  She looked back over her cloak and found him standing tall with his chest out, his hands on his hips, and a huge heroic grin on his face.

            "Beast Boy."  She managed between urgent breaths.  "Where…were you."

He raised his hand in front of him nonchalantly and blew on it.

            "Just saving the world."  He said looking at his nails.

            "That…thing….is destroying…the city."  She wheezed.  "Cyborg's…damaged.  Robin's...unconscious.  Starfire's-"

            "Leave everything to me."  He interrupted suavely, rubbing his nails on his chest.

He poofed into a bird and flew out the window.  Raven took two more breaths and then pushed herself up to go to the window.

            "Be careful."  She said softly into the outside air.

A bright blue beam shot diagonally up her field of view.  She looked to the source but saw only dust.  The dust let out another blast and Raven followed it with her eyes and saw it connect with the monster's neck.  It was completely ineffectual.  She heard muffled shouting echo sharply in the empty night air.

***

            "Heyy!"  Cyborg shouted, firing his sonic cannon to the heavens.

He coughed into his fist, which held a dug-up parking meter right beneath its head.  He brought the bottom of it back to the ground and supported himself on it as he took another painful step forward, dragging his dead leg behind him.  He took another shot at the shadowy outline of the protozoid.  Even with his bionic vision, the outline was all he could make out in the fog that filled his lungs and clouded his vision.

            "That's right!"  He coughed.  "I'm talking to you!"

He was entirely covered in white, like an oversized pillsbury doughboy.  He dragged himself another step forward.

            "Yea!  Down here ya overgrown gecko.  I got a bone to pick with you!"

Despite his ranting and shooting, the protozoid continued destroying the city and burning anyone with the audacity to flee their homes.

            "Look at me damnit!"  His voice cracked.  "You invade _my planet, destroy _my_ city, and then you try to eat _my_ friends..."_

His expression was pained as he took another shot.

            "And I ain't gonna stand for it!!" He exclaimed furiously.

With that his hand slipped down the parking meter and his knee crashed into the pavement, his mangled leg extended behind him.  His torso fell forward as well and he was forced to put his cannon arm down to keep his face out of the asphalt.  Suddenly there was a huge crash close behind him.  He turned around quickly.

            "Huh?"

There was a huge green foot with giant scales and claws bigger than him.  Another was sailing over him.

            "Aw no.  Two of em?"  He asked himself in awe.

He rolled onto his back and aimed his sonic cannon at the foot on the ground.  He gave it a blast, hoping to trip the behemoth, but it didn't even flinch.  He felt himself bounce off the ground slightly as the other foot come crashing down some distance behind him.  He looked at the foot he had shot and waited for it to lift off the ground so he could take a shot at its underside.  He watched as its weight shifted forward but it did not lift off the ground.  He soon felt a nudging at his side and looked over to find himself being scooped up into a giant clawed hand.  He was lifted up and out of the fog.  Looks like he was going to get a head shot.

He continued his ascent until he was brought level to the monsters face.  His sonic cannon was fully charged and extended out in front of him.

            "Thanks for the lift."  He said menacingly.

He aimed for one giant red eye and prepared to fire.  Suddenly his cannon was surrounded in a black orb.

            "Huh?  Yo!"

He felt himself being lowered.

            "Raven!?"  He called out, looking wildly about him.  "What the-?!  Let me shoot!"

The hand suddenly turned over and he was dumped onto a building, his cannon still encased in black.  The hand retracted and Cyborg saw Raven float up beside him, her eyes white.

            "Whaddaya _doin?  I _had_ him!"_

Raven freed his cannon.  And looked up to the giant green behemoth.

            "It's Beast Boy."

Cyborg followed her gaze and saw just how big Beast Boy had become.

            "…Woa."

***

The giant protozoid Beast Boy looked down the avenue at his brown opponent.  His enemy gave him a passing glance but soon turned back around and went back to burning some fleeing residents.  It reached down into the dust to scoop up its smoldering rewards and Beast Boy saw his opportunity.  He lowered his head and began scratching up the pavement to form a ramp behind him.  He snorted and pushed off the ramp, charging his bent over opponent.  Beast Boy came crashing through the fog, covering entire blocks with each bound.  His opponent was still bent over and was paying him no attention.  As he approached he lowered his head further, counterbalancing by extending his tail fully out behind him.  He was completely horizontal now, and only several blocks from his target.  After a few more running steps, his top horn connected with its target, just under his opponents tail.  Due to his straightness, all of his momentum was transferred.

Beast Boy's charge ended abruptly and he was brought to full stop on impact.  His opponent flew forward, its rump sailing over its bowed head.  It landed on its back and slid about ten blocks on its smooth scales before it whipped its tail through several buildings, using the momentum to right itself.  It slowly rose and looked up at Beast Boy in animalistic rage, white concrete dust falling all around it.  It let out an earth shaking roar of aggression, rising up against its tail and baring its claws and teeth.  Beast Boy copied the monster's movements in his own display of contest.  The two stared each other down along the ruined avenue, each knee deep in a dense sheet of fog which made it look as if they were above the clouds, gods, well above the everyday toils of the mortals which undoubtedly envied them from their earthbound milieus.  The feeling of being in such a class excited Beast Boy immensely, and he was ready to take it all out on his hapless opponent.

The protozoid whipped the ground with its tail and charged Beast Boy.  Beast Boy began his own charge and the two closed the gap quickly.  The Earth resounded as if it were thunderclouds which swirled at their feet.  Finally, in a show of force, the two brutes butted heads, creating a shockwave that blew out all the windows unfortunate enough to have been caught at their point of impact.  They each jerked their heads upward in an attempt to gore each other.  The impact caused both opponents to bounce back slightly.  Beast Boy wasted no time.  He immediately grabbed the monster's hands with his own and tackled it.  The two fell to the ground, parting the fog to either side of them and thus creating a giant fog free cradle where they landed.  They rolled and tussled, crashing through buildings as if they were paper mache.   Hydrants were dismembered and water mains broken through as the pair wrestled for dominance in the white satin.

The two rolled through a building and onto another avenue, moist with the fluids let lose by their frenzy.  Beast Boy had finally gained prepotency, and had his opponent pinned on its back under his weight.  He laid his elbows on its shoulders and used his hands to forcefully part his prey's protective scaling, exposing the supple throat beneath.  He then gathered all the force he could and drove his nose horn into the soft spot, breaking through in one vicious thrust.  The beast wailed pitifully and Beast Boy began mercilessly pounding it with his horn, stabbing it repeatedly and causing the monster's blood to spray out and coagulate the white mist which surrounded them.  Beast Boy felt on him the witness of all his friends as he proved with his gashing that he was the mightiest of gods, and the thought excited him into even greater frenzy.  Beast Boy felt the creature beneath him weakening, and so with a final attempt, he thrust his horn to the hilt into the gaping hole, feeling it scrape against the bottom of the monster's skull.  The monster gurgled as Beast Boy continued to scratch the base of the skull, relishing the completeness of his total immersion and and wishing nothing more than for his horn to penetrate deeper.

Finally the creature ceased its struggling and relaxed completely, letting out one final gurgle before succumbing completely to Beast Boy.  Beast Boy, spent but utterly satisfied, collapsed atop his conquest and sank into it, the creature's blood oozing out and mixing with the sticky white concrete which had mixed with the water that was now flowing everywhere.  He wallowed lazily in the completion of the act for a few more moments and then poofed back into his human form.

He stood up, still atop the slain protozoid's belly, and took a deep breath to bring himself back to reality.  He turned as he heard the wind behind him swish in a familiar sort of way.  He saw Raven land some distance behind him.  She began walking towards him, her face hidden by her hood.

            "Beast Boy, you've done it."

There was something different about her walk.  It seemed to be looser and affording more movement than usual…

            "The protozoid is defeated.  The city is saved."

…especially in the hip area.

            "Cyborg is repairing himself.  Robin and Starfire have come to."

She removed her hood without taking her eyes off him.  She was only a few steps away and wore a look of sultry mischief.

            "And I…"

She walked right into him and grabbed his waist, pulling his forehead to hers.  She spoke into his face with grit teeth.

            "…have never been more aroused."

Beast Boy was stunned by her proximity but did not protest.  Standing atop the fallen giant's belly, the two were well above the fog, still in the realm of the gods.  Beast Boy felt like he was where he belonged- atop the world and beside Raven, and his feeling of both importance and belonging was electrifying.  It was time he had claimed what was truly his.  He took his hands and placed them both under her cloak, on the small of her back and pulled her closer.  She reacted with a pivot about their mutual forehead, bringing their mouths together.  The moment of lip contact was not savored but rather sped through for the sake of reaching the kiss's full depth.  She probed him aggressively and he returned her passion as best he could.  He ran one of his hands up her back as their tongues wrestled for dominance.

Suddenly there was a digital blaring heard from all around them.  It sounded like the alarm at Titan's Tower!  Was the danger not yet over?

He broke the kiss reluctantly and pulled his face away from hers.

            "Ignore it."  She commanded breathlessly.

She brought a hand to the back of his head and pulled him back in.  They continued their kiss for a euphoric eternity, each doing all they could to invade the other's throat.

            "C'mon B."  Urged Cyborg's voice.

Beast Boy's eyes widened in embarrassment.  He broke the kiss again and found Cyborg standing right behind Raven, his leg fully repaired.

            "D'ahhh!!…  What're you doing here?"

            "C'mon.  We gotta go."  Cyborg answered urgently.

            "No."  Persisted Raven, still inches from his face.  "Not now!"

She pulled him back in and resumed her oral invasion.

            "Damnit.  C'mon we really hafta go."

Raven ignored Cyborg completely and continued the kiss.  Beast Boy was more than happy to do the same.  She pressed her face and body into him as he continued to wrestle deliciously with her tongue and run his palms up and down her back.  Finally, she herself broke the kiss gradually and loosened her hold on him.  She lowered her hands from his head and shoulders and placed them in the crooks of his elbows, pulling his hands to the back of her waist.

            "And that was just a taste."  She said breathlessly into his face.

She pushed his elbows down further, bringing his hands to her bottom.  Beast Boy choked as she brought one bare leg up and wrapped it around his waist, leaning back over his hands.

            "…of much more to come."  She taunted with an evil grin, lightly scratching a single fingernail down his chest.

Despite all that had just transpired, Beast Boy was shocked at the extent of her passion.

            "Damn Raven.  And I thought I was an animal."

            "All right that's it."  Said Cyborg, grabbing his foot.  "Get the _hell out of bed."_

Beast Boy felt himself tugged away from Raven and the ground slipped out from under him.  He fell for a good while before landing rudely on his back.  He opened his eyes to see the ceiling of his room.  The light was on and the Tower alarm was blaring.  He suddenly saw Cyborg pop into his view.

            "Rise and shine sleeping beauty."  Mocked Cyborg.

Beast Boy put his hands on his face as he felt Cyborg release his feet.

            "Aw _mannn."  He whined as his feet hit the floor with a double thump._

            "C'mon already.  Everyone's waiting for us."  Said Cyborg a little impatiently.

Beast Boy took a long moment to stretch and yawn.  That procrastination spent, he turned over and curled up on the floor.

            "Just five more minutes."  He mumbled.

            "Now!"

Cyborg grabbed Beast Boy's collar and pulled him to his feet.  Beast Boy stumbled a bit, catching his balance against his bunk bed.

            "Stupid criminals."  He grumbled, leaning against his bed.

Cyborg grabbed his collar again but didn't pull.

            "You coming or ya want me to carry you."

            "D'ahhhh!"  Beast Boy jumped back out of his grasp, apparently fully awake.

            "That's what I thought."  Sneered Cyborg.

Cyborg turned and walked out of the room.  Beast followed him, stretching his arms out above him and then scratching his head briskly.  They walked towards the console room as the hallway flashed red and the alarm blared.

            "So…"  Started Cyborg without turning.  "Ya were having that protozoid dream again eh?"

            "Huh?"  Beast Boy said in panic.  "Damnit, how did you know?"

The side of Cyborg's mouth curled into a sly grin.

            "You were tonguing your sock.  And calling it Raven."

Beast Boy turned red and laughed nervously.  He scratched the back of his head.  He was busted and had nothing to say in retort.

            "Ain't gonna happen ya know."

            "Says you."  He retorted quickly, glad to finally have something to say.  "My dad said there's no telling just how the treatment affected me.  I might have superpowers I've never even-"

            "_I'm talking… about Raven."_

Beast Boy shot him a defiant look.  Unfortunately, Cyborg was still looking straight ahead and grinning.

            "Dude, she totally digs me and you know it."  He said smugly, sticking his thumb into his chest.  "All the fans say so."

            "Them the same fans that say I'm gay?"  Inquired Cyborg, looking down at him finally.

Beast Boy just stared back and blinked, unsure of exactly how to answer that.  Cyborg seemed concerned at his speechlessness.

            "Uhh.  Cuz I ain't."  He added firmly.

Beast Boy gave a nervous smile and cowered.

            "You know that.  Right?"

            "Heh heh.  Yea.  Sure.  Whatever Cy."  He said with his palms up defensively.

Cyborg snorted and looked back ahead of him.  

            "Well anyway, she obviously don't know it."

            "Hey Cy.  I've been wondering something…"

Cyborg stopped walking and looked down at him angrily, causing Beast Boy to yell and jump back.

            "No no."  Said Beast Boy shaking his open palms out in front of him urgently.  "Not that."

Cyborg crossed his arms and looked down at him sternly.

            "Uhh…After your accident,"  Beast Boy started, nervously pulling his collar so he could swallow.  "You lost a lot of… Parts…. Right?"

Cyborg looked down at him, his expression changing from anger to smugness with the raising of an eyebrow.  He suddenly turned around and started walking again, leaving Beast Boy behind.

            "Don't go there B."  He said flatly without turning around.

Beast Boy raised an eyebrow of his own and put his hands on his hips.

            "Right…" He said to himself.

He chased after Cyborg towards the console room.

**********[end chapter 8]**********


	9. and Reality

Chapter 9: ...And Reality

Beast Boy walked carefully through the dark cracking halls of the milking operation just outside of town.  The only sounds were the occasional distant moo and the soft echo of his own footsteps.  He walked with a careful ear to any sign of life, trying to ignore the sulfurous smell of rotting manure that seemed to emanate from the walls.

Since the last attack, the Tower's sensors had tapped into the security systems of food operations such as this one.  When unnatural movement is registered at multiple facilities which are commercially similar, it registers as a possible terrorist attack.  Robin had said that they surgically strike multiple places at once because it allows them the element of surprise and doesn't give facilities similar to the one attacked a chance to learn from their fallen brethren's security inadequacies.  It also made it difficult to deduce where they would strike next.

Fortunately, the new sensor arrangement, combined with Cyborg's algorithm, had registered an attack on all the milking operations close to town.  There was no way to save all the targets but if they could catch just one terrorist, they might be able to get a lead and bring down the entire cell.  That's what Robin said anyway.

Upon arrival, Cyborg's sensors didn't pick up any explosives but a bike was found outside.  The team split up the search, and Beast Boy got hallway patrol.

The milk business, it seemed, was nothing like the commercials depicted.  This close to the city, there were no large expanses of green pasture.  Infact, outside the complex was nothing but sparse grass and frozen dirt.  And one certainly didn't imagine such a stink when they pour themselves a glass of milk.  Beast Boy had always known of the cruelty that accompanied animal food production, at least everything the animal rights websites had told him.  He had resented those who just closed off their minds and drank and ate the stuff, never even wondering how it was made.  He had once decided that everyone should visit the places where their food came from and then decide whether or not they should eat it.

But since his arrival he had found the experience to be very much anticlimactic.  He had almost hoped to confirm everything the websites had told him but it seemed that reality was not quite as astounding as the propaganda.  The websites against milk production practices showed nothing but tortured cows with swollen utters, and told stories of abominable treatment of the "downers" which lost use of their legs before it was time for their slaughter and were thus bulldozed to their final destinations.  He left the tower fearing having to witness all of this and yet, now as he traversed the hallways, it all just looked like any other sort of factory, with concrete floors, lighting panes in the ceiling, sparse doors, and a fire extinguisher every so often.  The cows were all sleeping and the evil barbarian employees which cackled cruelly as another newborn calf is ripped from its mother's womb were nowhere to be found.

Suddenly he heard a shriek up ahead of him, followed by a chorus of high pitched moos.

            "Starfire!?"

He bolted forward when suddenly a door flew open and almost whacked him in the face.  'VEAL ROOM' said the stenciled spray paint inches from his face.  The volume of the moos increased when the door was open.  They seemed to be desperate cries for attention.  Starfire appeared from behind the door and quickly closed it by throwing her back against it.  She bent her knees slowly and started sinking to the floor.  She was breathing heavily and looked as if she had seen a ghost.  She heaved steadily as she slid down the door until she noticed Beast Boy.  She jumped up and shrieked again.

            "Beast Boy!" She said with huge eyes.

Beast Boy cocked his head and looked at her curiously.

            "Did you find her?"

Starfire grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him in her distress.

            "Oh Beast Boy, the babies.  They were-"

Her desperate whining was interrupted when her radio blared static for a moment, followed by Robin's voice.

            "The pasteurization room!  I found her!"

Suddenly there were bursts of gunshot heard both from the radio and from far down the hallway.

            "Ack."  Robin continued.  "Hurry!" _click_.

Beast Boy and Starfire looked up at each other with determination and then raced off down the hall.  The silence which had permeated the atmosphere just moments ago had been completely broken and replaced with racing footsteps, intermittent bursts of gunfire, and the air which moved across their ears.  The shots grew louder as the Titans approached the door to the pasteurization room at the end of the hall.  Suddenly it burst open against the wall and the masked terrorist bolted out, looking back into the room over her shoulder.  She turned her head forward and spotted Starfire and Beast Boy.  She lifted her gun to take a shot but soon found her shoulders and forearms bound to her and her feet kicked up from under her by a birdarang.  She was pulled back and fell backwads, revealing Robin in a sturdy stance behind her, grappling gun in hand.  She hit the ground with a feminine grunt and threw her legs around in order to spin herself.  As she came to face Robin, she let out a burst that resounded harshly in the hallway.  Robin dove back aside from the doorway.  She continued spinning and when she was facing down the hall again she let out another burst at Starfire and Beast Boy.

Beast Boy thought quickly and poofed into a snake and held fast to the ground.  Starfire wasn't so lucky.  The ricochets traced a path up the wall and across her midriff.  In a grunt of pain too soft to hear above the racket, she doubled over and fell to her knees.  The terrorist continued her spin and caught the door with her feet just in time to slam it into Robin's face.  A muffled curse was heard through the door.  She then tucked her legs in and used the momentum to bring herself to her feet without the use of her hands.  She bolted down the hall, dragging Robin's grappling gun behind her and struggling to free her arms.  Beast Boy, deciding old tricks are the best tricks, morphed into a giant green gorilla and stood up right in her path.  She didn't expect it and slammed into him, flipping onto her back.  Beast Boy towered over her and she couldn't lift her forearm enough to shoot him.  Beast Boy raised a double fist above his head.  The terrorist threw a leg up and whacked him painfully in the groin.  Beast Boy's eyes widened in shock and pain and he began to tip forward.  The terrorist rolled under him and he fell with a crash, poofing back into his human form.  He heard shuffling behind him and soon the terrorist's footsteps running further away down the hall.  Robin's grappling gun dragged right past him but his hands were busy tending to more important matters.

When the footsteps had all but faded, the door to the pasteurization room burst open again.  Robin ran out, a birdarang in hand and his nose bleeding.  He looked down the hall angrily before noticing his fallen comrades, doubled over and groaning on the floor.

            "_Rarr!"  He yelled in frustration as he yanked out his radio.  "Cyborg!"  He spit into the device.  "She's coming your way.  Raven, give Cyborg a hand!"_

***

Outside the building, a ground floor window is shattered and moments later a dark figure dives out and rolls across the ground.  The terrorist rolled into a standing position and raced towards her motorbike.  She was free of grappling cord and her arms pumped along with her legs as she quickly closed the distance to her escape.  She grabbed the handle and went to jump on it when suddenly a blue beam of sonic energy blasted it out from under her.  She landed flat on the ground, completely taken by surprise.  She heard the source of the cannon charging again and she rolled out of the way, avoiding a blast which obliterated the dirt she had been laying on.  She looked to the source but saw only darkness.  Hearing heavy footsteps, she took off back towards the complex as she felt a blast of air from the beam which just narrowly missed her.  She bolted for the main door, which must have been opened by her pursuers, avoiding two more blasts on her way.  She finally made it into the door and slammed painfully into someone, cracking her head on theirs.

She looked up from her sitting position on the floor and saw a mysterious figure in a dark hood, standing up and groaning.  She looked on in fear as the figure righted her self.  Its eyes glowed an eerie white and by the shape of them, she could tell the figure was very angry.  She pushed herself up off the floor and began to run.

            "Azarath Metrion Zinthos."

She didn't look back but continued to run, rounding a corner just as a security desk smashed into it.  Raven stared at the corner with fists balled in frustration.  Cyborg's foot steps could be heard approaching from outside.  He entered the door beside her and looked at her.

            "That sounded like a nasty bump.  You ok?"

Raven didn't even turn to him.  She growled viciously and floated off after the girl.  Cyborg bit his nails and called after her.

            "Uh Raven…we need her alive ok?"

Raven continued to ignore him and drifted off into the shadows.  Cyborg felt a chill and picked up his radio.

***

            "What?!"  Spit Robin through grit teeth.

            "Not only that," Continued Cyborg's voice from the radio.  "But Raven's ticked and going after her in a big way.  I suggest you get a move on unless you wanna be scraping our only lead off the ceiling with a spatula."

            "Fine.  Turn on as many outdoor lights as you can and patrol the area with the T-car.  This one's not getting away."  He said with gruff determination.

Starfire moaned from over his shoulder, one of her eyes squeezed shut from the pain.  He put the radio away.

            "I'm on it." It said from his belt. _click._

He grasped her arm gingerly, his face still showing determination.  She was resting against his back, her arms draped over his shoulders as they both rode on a green horse, slowly and steadily through the hallway.  She had taken two slugs to the abdominals but they didn't pierce her resilient Tamaranian skin.  Nevertheless, the painful bruising was debilitating, at least temporarily.  Finally they arrived at their destination, the archives closet.  Beast Boy lowered his front knees to the floor and Robin helped Starfire to the cement floor.  She was able to stand with his support.

Beast Boy poofed back into his human form and Robin transferred Starfire duty to him while he himself went to work on the lock.  The dark hallway was silent except Starfire's soft straining and Robin's delicate clicking.  The silence was thick but welcome after the loud retorts of the sub machine gun which still rang dully in their ears.  The lock gave a final climactic click and Robin pulled the door open hastily.  He was apparently still angry.  He walked inside and felt around for the light, finding the switch quickly.  The room was small and was full of old cardboard boxes stacked on top of each other, presumably containing files of various types.

Robin entered and began kicking the boxes violently, shouting battle cries as if he were in a real fight.  He threw his arms to the side and grabbed a box on the top of a stack and hurled it with all his might against the opposite wall.  It tore open on impact and threw papers everywhere.  Robin continued to ravage the boxes, his fists cutting straight through the floating papers and into other boxes, which were promptly tore open aswell.

Beast Boy and Starfire watched from the hallway as Robin shouted and wrought destruction in the tiny room.

            "Robin…"  Starfire ventured.

The sound of her voice prompted in him one final pound, accompanied by the release of a climactic battle cry.  He ceased his thrashing, his fist stuck in the last box and the last sheet of paper fluttering to the floor.  He turned around, heaving, and walked towards Starfire, his nose bleeding with newfound vigor.  Her eyes were still half closed from pain and she seemed a little afraid.  He slipped his arm under her shoulder and pulled her gently off of Beast Boy.

            "I made… a bed…for you."  He said breathless and very serious.

He led her into the small room and picked her up by the back of the knees to lay her down in the bed of cardboard and paper.  She groaned and trembled in his arms as he laid her down gently.  Having deposited her, he rose but as his arm slipped out from under her shoulder she grabbed it with a pleading look in her eyes.  In the light, her bruise looked even worse.

            "Don't worry Star."  Robin assured her gruffly.  "We'll come back for you."

She nodded painfully and released his arm.  He rose the rest of the way and looked down at her.  She was staring straight ahead at the opposite wall where there was once a stack of boxes.  Robin growled in frustration, took a step back and closed the door on her.  He kept his hand on the handle and looked down on it angrily.

            "Jeeze."  Said Beast Boy from behind him.  "Maybe you oughta calm down."

Robin turned, releasing the handle at the same time.

            "C'mon."  He said roughly, and ran down the hall.

Beast Boy wasted no time in taking off after him.  They didn't get far when they heard a burst of gunfire somewhere on the other end of the complex.  Robin whipped out his radio.

            "Raven?"

He continued running with the radio near his ear.  No answer.

            "Raven!  Raven come in!"  He said, the urgency in his voice increasing.

More gunfire was heard, this time a steady succession of bursts.  Suddenly there was a huge crash.  Robin grunted and picked up his speed.  He bolted down the hallways and jumped off the walls to round corners.  Beast Boy had to morph into a dragonfly to keep up with him.  More crashes.  The boys raced through the hallways in the direction of the noise.  The crashes came in quick succession now, punctuated by long bursts of gunfire.  It sounded as though there was quite a battle going on.  Robin's footsteps were mere background noise now as the urgency and increasingly loud crashes and smashes dominated the mood.  They continued running, haphazardly choosing their path along the forks as they followed the sound.  They were approaching the end of the complex now and still they had not found the battlefield.

Suddenly, the noise stopped.  Robin put his boots out and skidded to a halt.  Beast Boy buzzed around him once and then poofed back into his human form.  They both brought their hands to their ears.  The silence was ominous.  They both waited for a noise, any noise.  Robin tried his radio again.

            "Raven!"  He shouted.  "Check in."

He waited for an answer.  Nothing.

            "Damnit!  Where are you!?"

Suddenly the radio gave a burst of static.  Both boys listened with anticipation.

            "Yo, Robin."

            "Cyborg?"

            "If ya'll are looking for Raven, check out the loading area.  From out here it looks like a bomb went off."

            "Stay there!  We're on our way!"

He put his radio away and bolted towards the loading area, with Beast Boy close at his heels.  As they ran the action had once again been replaced by rushing air and their own echoing footsteps.  It seemed as if they were the only two people left alive in the entire darkened complex.

Before long they reached the personnel door to the loading area.  They stopped running and walked carefully to the door.  It was slightly open into the room.  The both listened intently.  There was an intense silence on the other side.  Robin looked to Beast Boy to see if he was ready.  Beast Boy nodded.  Robin put his hand on the door and began to push it.  He moved it only several inches before it came to life on its own and creaked at the hinges as it came off the wall and fell to the ground.  Both boys jumped back in fright as the door hit the concrete with a huge bang, which echoed throughout the huge room.  Only when the echo subsided did they here the engine of the T-car outside and see its headlights coming in through the gigantic hole torn into the giant aluminum loading door.  The radio made static.

            "Everything ok?"  Came Cyborg's voice.

Robin pulled the radio back out of his belt.

            "Yea."  He responded shaken.  "Just the door.  We're going in.  Stand by."

Robin led Beast Boy into the room.  It was the size of a small gymnasium, and very poorly lit.  Robin looked to the wall for a switch.  He found a rather large one that he took for the lights.  He reached his arm out and flipped it on.

The ceiling lights came on with a baritone shuttering noise- and promptly blew out, spraying streams of sparks every which way.  The room was dark again but not before the image of devastation was burned into the boys' eyes.

Piled against the walls were crushed and ruined refrigeration units- huge metallic tanks, thrown about and punctured like tin cans.  There was an overturned forklift which had somehow found its way against the wall near where the boys had entered.  Busted crates and milk gallons were strewn all over the floor.  There was a pile of ceiling beams stacked up against the far corner of the room.  Another pile of rubble was covered by a giant piece of ruffled aluminum siding.  The loading ramp had been pulled from the truck dock and was leaning against a wall, split through the middle.  And right in the center of the room, floating above the wreckage in lotus position with her back turned and her cloak hanging limply, was Raven.

            "Looks like we found our bomb."  Cracked Beast Boy from the entrance.

            "What happened?"  Came Cyborg from Robin's hand.

Robin lifted the radio.

            "Cy, we're gonna need a flashlight in here."

Beast Boy stepped past Robin and walked into the room.  His head moved all around him as his eyes adjusted to the dim light.  He walked down the concrete steps and heard a splash as he reached the floor.  He looked down at his foot and lifted it off the ground.  He heard the swishing of the fluid and subsequent dripping from his boot.

            "Ground's all wet."  He said looking up at Robin.

Robin narrowed his eyes in thought but gave no other response.  More splashing was heard across the room and then everything became softly lit.  Beast Boy and Robin looked to the broken loading door and saw Cyborg standing in the hole, an electrical torch in his raised hand.  He let out an impressed whistle which echoed strangely in the hollow room.

Robin finally entered the room and walked down to Beast Boy on the concrete stairs.  He put his foot carefully into the liquid.  He kept it there for a moment and then brought his other foot down and started splashing carefully through the debris, each step echoing through the gigantic room.  Beast Boy followed his example.

            "The ground's covered in milk and fluorinated hydrocarbons."  Said Cyborg, looking into his forearm.

            "Freon…"  Said Robin.  "Probably from all the refrigeration units."

The boys splashed their way over to Raven.  She was completely still and without her hood, apparently meditating.  Robin addressed her from behind.

            "Hey Raven.  Why weren't you answering your radio."

His question was met with silence.  There was not a sound except for the droning of the T-car's engine outside.

            "Uhh…Raven?"  Tried Cyborg.

Beast Boy splashed around and brought himself in front of her.  Her face was completely calm.  The other two followed him and stood behind him, one on either side.  He walked forward, picking his way carefully through the junk around her.

            "Hellooo.  Earth to Raven."

He waved his hand in front of her face and when that got no response he started obnoxiously snapping his fingers in front of her face.  Suddenly her brow furrowed.  Everyone took a giant step back, Beast Boy tripping and landing in the fluid with a scratchy yell.

Raven opened her eyes slowly.  She looked annoyed but not particularly unstable.

            "Raven," Started Robin.  "Where's the girl?"

Raven just looked at him for a moment and then turned her head and raised her left arm to point to the corner of the room.  Everyone followed her point to a rubble pile against the wall.  Cyborg focused the torch on the pile but saw only a disheveled mess of steal ceiling beams.

            "She's in the-?"

Robin stopped when he noticed that she had gone back into her meditation.

            "Raven?"

            "Just forget her," Said Beast Boy standing up and turning his head over his shoulder to see how wet he was.  "She's been acting totally weird lately."

Cyborg splashed his way over to the pile Raven had specified.  Beast Boy followed and then Robin.  Cyborg read the output on his forearm.

            "She's in there alright."  He said turning around to look at his friends.

They both stopped walking and gave him hopeful looks.

            "And alive."

They both relaxed and made their way to the pile.  After much excavating, Cyborg called them over to him.  The girl was lying unconscious on her back, her hips caught in the rubble and her torso and head curved to the left, arms sprawled and hanging over an edge of sorts.  Her shirt was torn to shreds, revealing her navy blue Kevlar vest.  One of her exposed shoulders was covered in blood matted hair and she was still wearing her mask.  Cyborg referred to his sensors.

            "Fractured wrist and a dislocated shoulder on the same arm.  No internal bleeding, possible concussion."  Cyborg listed off.

Beast Boy looked down at the girl.  She sure looked helpless, especially considering her violent demeanor earlier.  He looked back towards Raven.  She was calm and completely still and had not moved from her floating lotus.

            "Good."  Said Robin, fully composed.  "Dig her out and tie her up.  We'll bring her back to the tower and get some answers."

He turned to Beast Boy.

            "Beast Boy, come with me to get Starfire."

            "And what're we s'posed to do with typhoon girl?"  Asked Beast Boy looking at Raven.

Robin followed his gaze and put his hand to his chin.  He rubbed it for a while before putting his hand behind his head and finally responding.

            "The heck if I know."

***

Ten minutes later, Robin, Beast Boy and Starfire made their way around the outside of the complex.  Starfire was recovered enough to walk reasonably quickly and pain free so long as she had a boy on each side to support her.  She was no longer groaning but still twitched an eye in pain every now and then.  They had decided to walk outside in the cool night air to give Starfire a break from the stink- and also to forget about the horrific events that transpired inside the complex.

They walked in silence, each involved in their own thoughts.  Everyone was sore, shaken and wanted to go home.  It had been a pretty rough night indeed.

Suddenly there was shouting in the distance.  No one could make out any words but they knew it was Cyborg, and he sounded angry.  Beast Boy and Robin looked at each other.

            "That sure doesn't sound good."  Observed Beast Boy.

Robin reached down and scooped up Starfire's knees.  She squeaked as he brought her horizontal.  He shifted her in his arms and the two boys started jogging towards the shouting.

***

            "_Get that stupid badge outta my face!"_

            "Young man, once again you are trespassing on federal-"

            "Man, I've had enough of your federal bullcrap!"  He shouted into Sparks's face.  "Where the heck were you when we were busting our butts in there, trying to save the city?!"

            "Uncle Sam appreciates your efforts but right now you are interfering with a federal investigation."

Sparks narrowed his cool grey eyes, in the first show of emotion since Cyborg had first met him almost a week ago.

            "And do you realize the penalty for preventing the arrest of a federal-"

            "_Awwww no!  This is our suspect."  He retorted, referring to the tied up girl behind him, who seemed to be coming to.  "_We_ arrested her!  Ya'll didn't even show up till after-"_

            "Young man, you do not have the authority to-"

            "I'm talking here!!"  Cyborg shouted.

That's when Robin, Beast Boy and Starfire arrived on the scene.

            "You again?"  Called out Beast Boy.

Sparks turned his head to acknowledge them and then proceeded to turn his body as well.  

            "I'm glad to see somebody more reasonable has arrived."  Said Sparks flatly referring to Robin, who was setting Starfire softly on the frozen dirt.

Cyborg was visibly offended.

            "Why you dirty stinkin-"

            "We don't want any trouble."  Intervened Robin, walking towards them.  "We were just about to leave."

Sparks nodded smugly.

            "A wise choice young man.  And of course you'll be handing over our suspect."  He said as more sedans arrived behind him.

            "Suspect?"  Robin asked.

Sparks looked behind Cyborg, where the terrorist was sitting up, fully conscious and looking about.  Beast Boy stepped forward.

            "Dude!  Do you know what we went through to catch her?"

            "She's our only lead." Added Robin.  "We need her to solve the case."

            "I've reviewed your files and you all do good work."  Sparks said without raising an eyebrow.  "But this is now a federal crime scene and as such, the suspect now belongs to us."

            "Don't you guys wanna hear my opinion?"  Came a feminine voice.

Everyone looked over behind Cyborg and saw the terrorist, sitting straight up with the ropes lying limply around her ankles.  Everyone's eyes opened wide with shock and that's when the flash came.  Everyone was silent as they heard her get up and start running, completely speechless at having fallen for the same trick again.  The only sound was the droning of the various car engines which had come to surround them, that and the fading tap of commando boots on frozen earth.

            "Hold it!"

            "Freeze!"

            "Stop right there!"

Several gunshots rang out as the newly arrived federal agents opened fire on the fleeing terrorist.  There was much running and shooting until finally there was the sound of a car door slamming and the gunfire stopped.  There was the sound of tires kicking up dirt, followed by several slamming car doors and more dirt kicking.  Cyborg heard a man run past him.

            "109 to base 109 to base, we are in pursuit of a blue sports car I repeat a blue sports car."

            "Blue spor- no." Murmured Cyborg. "no no NOO!!!"

Cyborg stumbled left and right, frustrated at his disability.

            "Damnit I am _not_ gonna be chasing her all over town again."  He said in a panic.

The last sedan raced off down the dirt road, leaving the Titans and Sparks.  The engines were all gone and the only sounds where the crickets chirping and Cyborg talking to himself psychotically.

            "It's ok Cy," He muttered under his breath.  "The FBI's gonna find your baby and bring her home in one piece."

Robin was pissed.   After all of that trouble, they were so close and now nothing.  Twice in a row these petty terrorists had evaded him, both times with the same damned trick.  His heart was broken.  He had no leads at all.  He would have to wait until they strike again and then suffer through another episode like tonight's.  And even then there were no guarantees.  Starfire had been badly injured this time.  These bastards were ruthless.  Next time someone might die.

He felt his vision beginning to return.  He was still staring at the spot where the terrorist had set off the flash.  He saw no reason to shift his eyes- it wasn't as if the scenery would change.  He hated these terrorists- he hated them with all his heart.  They were the epitome of evil. They were cold, ruthless and totally unreasonable in their demands.  They had complete disregard for law and order, and wanted things their way, not caring for a moment who they hurt in the process.  Did they need to save their precious animals at the cost of human lives?  Did they need to shoot people and blow up workplaces?  His own parents had been killed by the likes of them- criminals who had no regard for human life, only for their own narrow-minded interests.

His vision had recovered almost completely and he suddenly noticed something on the ground.  He shifted his pupils back and forth slightly, trying to focus on the object with a part of his eye which was not as damaged.  He walked forward and leaned over to pick it up.  His hand grabbed only hard ground but he probed around more in the darkness until he heard a rustling.  He grasped the object clumsily, pulling it off the ground.  It was a slip of paper!  It wasn't frozen to the ground so it must have just fallen.  This was it!  His lead!

He brought it to his face and tried to read it but the white spots in his vision disallowed it.  He continued to stare at it and waited for his vision to return fully.  Suddenly it was snatched from his hand.  He reached out in the direction from which it was taken but grabbed only air.

            "Excellent work young man."

Sparks!

            "Oh no you don't!"

Robin reached out at him but continued to grab only air.  He was desperate.  He was not going to lose his lead!  Not again!  He flailed his arms around grasping aimlessly, and finally landed a glancing blow on Sparks' trench coat.  Suddenly he felt a sharp jab into his chest, knocking the wind out of him and sending him stumbling backwards.  He looked up at the shadowy outline of Sparks and heard the click of a gun.

            "I wouldn't advise striking a federal officer."

Cyborg stopped his ranting and looked at the two.  Things were starting to get out of hand.

            "Dude, now your just being mean."  Protested Beast Boy from behind Robin.

            "And you're out of line."  Sparks returned, his gun still on Robin.  "Both of you."

He started walking backwards towards his car, keeping Robin sighted.

            "You son of a bitch…"  Growled Robin with restrained fury.

            "This is federal evidence young man."  Said Sparks, opening his car door.  "Now if you don't mind, I have a case to solve."

He got into his car and started the engine.  His gears shifted and he rolled off down the dirt road towards town.

            "Yea sure, just like he _solved_ the last two."  Retorted Beast Boy, way too late.

            "Beast Boy."  Robin snapped, standing up.  "We need that clue.  You up for some espionage?"

Beast Boy stood at mock attention, like a soldier.

            "You got it sir.  Uhhh… what's espinage?"

            "Follow that car and use your animal forms to find out everything they know about the terrorists, including what's on the slip of paper."

Beast Boy brought a stiff hand to his forehead in mock salute.

            "Aye aye captain!"

He poofed into a hawk and took off down the road after Sparks's sedan.  Robin watched him go and then turned to Cyborg, who was still staring at him.

            "Cyborg, I suggest you get Raven to help you track down your car."

Cyborg looked to the destroyed loading area, then looked back to Robin with fear in his eyes.  Robin didn't have the patience for this.

            "You do wanna find your car don't you."

Cyborg looked back to the loading area, in obvious distress.  Finally he sagged his shoulders, let out a whiny sigh, and proceeded to the building.

            "Oh and Cy."

Cyborg turned around and looked at Robin.

            "Call me a cab will ya?"

Cyborg nodded and turned around.  He started back for the loading area, raising his inner wrist to his ear.  Robin turned away from him and let out a sigh of exhaustion.  He walked over to where Starfire was waiting patiently on the ground.

            "Are you ok?"  He said kneeling down next to her.

She was lying on her back, looking up at him.  She shivered.

            "The ground is cold Robin."  She said matter-of-factly.

He slipped his arms under her and picked her up with a grunt.  When he was standing, he and let out another sigh.

            "Oh Star, could this night get any worse?"  He said staring off into the night.

_aCHOO!!_

**********[end chapter 8]**********

Next time: Beast Boy plays the spy game and Raven tries on some new clothes. And if all goes well, a new character will be introduced.

The next 'chapter' is also going to be long so i'll prolly split it like this one.

Le Chat:  
Haha, capitalization ran away. I felt it was the only way to show one phrase is louder than the next without interrupting the flow of speech for description. Atleast i've matured as a shouter since chapter 2! And i don't really have a blend of the two Ravens. It is fully the TV Raven. I mention the comics only as proof of what the show only leads us to assume. Raven's TV behavior is fully consistent with the fact that she needs to prevent herself from feeling so she doesn't wake up Trigon- it's simply that it is never said outright. The only reason i made it a point in my intro is that other fanfics all seem to ignore this.  
And Patch may be a vegan (and apparently for anti-cruelty reasons) but notice that he refuses to be pushy about it and even made lamb for cyborg. terrorists are extremists and Patch isn't...or he atleast hides it well. And if you want a summary of all the Freud i know lemme know and i'll email it to you. The alternative is to read his stupid books, which are rambly and boring.  
  
Veral42:  
Music to my ears. I still haven't managed to make myself cry (and i know i'm softer than most people) but your post is encouraging.  
I don't have anything against Beast Boy- in fact he's my favorite character. I would venture that a relationship between him and Raven wouldn't work out, despite whether or not he has a crush on her. And anyway, the writers have different plans for Beast Boy (episode 23 at ). That doesn't prevent me, however, from appreciating a writer who can make it work. Infact, when did i ever say that i wouldn't pursue such a relationship after Raven is able to feel (and Beast Boy grows up a little)? The reason i responded in the way i did last chapter was to put you in the same position you put me in. I have a plan for this story the same way you have a plan for yours (and i know you have a plan cuz you've shown excellent plot development). Would you change your plan because of my request? How then can you expect me to do the same?  
My story is drawn up in my head and it is what it is. And the way i have the story planned out, it will detract from the reader's experience if they know who's going to end up with whom before hand (it basically kills the effect of the sexual tension). Remember, this is a romance. It is ABOUT relationships, not one of those stories where couples are established early on and then the real plot begins to unfold. To give away my couplings would be to give away the entire plot. If you really want a guaranteed RxBB coupling i'm sure you'll have no problem finding one elsewhere.  
  
WintersIceAngel (WintersIceAngel@aol.com):  
I responded to your post by email. lemme know if you didn't get it.  
  
Jek:  
Thanks. But come now, just because two characters share a moment doesn't mean their going to fall in love. If that were the case we'd have Starfire with Beast Boy from "Forces of Nature," Raven with Cyborg from "Car Trouble," and Starfire with Raven from "Switched." You'll notice that these character pairs share far more intimate moments than did Beast Boy and Raven in "Nevermore" and "Final Exam." Couplings will not be revealed except through the normal course of the story.  
  
Lisboa Miraflores:  
Haha, poetry about females ingesting males? I see your writing has a Freudian influence as well! I hope you've enjoyed chapter 8, it was my most Freudian one yet.  
And i have the same problem with memory. I always forget how old i am and what my phone number is. I too never know what date or day of the week it is and i've been known to forget to eat all together on some days. But somehow i can remember programming languages, how to solve a differential equation, and the name of each Transformer and what they transform into. I once heard that we only remember things that are important to us but i don't say that in front of my girlfriend cuz she'd just love to bring up the anniversaries i forgot.  
  
Kishi:  
As always, that was a very interesting post. Perhaps i am technically a christian but i prefer not to call myself one because the image ascribed to the label is now the pious church goer. You did present a great way of looking at it when you pointed out that there was christianity before there were churches but if i tell anyone nowadays that im a christian they think me a hypocryte give me crap when i read things i'm not allowed to or don't want to sit through a mass with them or refuse to believe in a literal satan who follows me around trying to trick me into doing bad things (yes, there are people who react this way. I find they are mostly Roman Catholics). And about the scrolls, you are absolutely correct. The interesting thing about those records (the gospels anyway) is that the they are in the form of a sermon, the one teaching it named Jesus (though he is never refered to as the christ). Obviously its not the same guy (300years before he is born) but both the language and teaching style is identical, as is the underlying morality. There is also my favorite gospel, the gospel of (doubting) Thomas, which was lost before the RC church got their hands on the scriptures (and found a couple decades ago). That's important to me because i don't trust the medieval church to not pervert scripture for their own ends (the church was very political back then). There was actually a movie made about the gospel of thomas called Stigmata. The gospel is available online from any search engine.  
That's wonderful that you find the lesson in the example provided by christ cuz i've found that most people tend to get caught up in his sayings and miss the real point. And about the story, its not going to be "religious" (in the ritual sense) at all but you'll find that Patch's core flaw is a trap that most modern christians fall into (and that the ministry seems to almost force on them. The RC ministry anyway). Also, i must know, what is it about vegetarian terrorism that is so appealing? It's very interesting to see what different people take from the story, especially when it differs from what i intentionally seeded it with.


	10. an author not dead

I'm terribly sorry about not updating...the keyboard of my laptop had a disastrous run-in with some eggnog. I don't have a job cuz i'm in college with a full scholarship (no expenses) so i basically hafta wait till my parents decide i need a replacement laptop for school. I've been feeling guilty about keeping you guys waiting cuz i've always hated it when other authors leave a good story half-finished.  
  
Rest assured i still have a significant interest in this story and have most of it planned out in my head already, so once the problem is fixed i will be able to update often again. Once again, i'm very sorry.  
  
And those of you who ask for my freud summary, include your email address or some other means of getting it to you. 


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